Scarred
by brattyteenagewerewolf
Summary: time passes and wounds slowly heal. but sometimes they form scars. eight years later Ludwig and Feliciano are only just starting to learn that one can't escape the past no matter how much one wants to. sequel to 'tainted', mentions of rape, substance abuse, violence etc
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: told you I'd get this started off :) and thankfully my ankle isn't broken! But it is painful because I apparently "walk weirdly"… and I burnt my finger cooking… so I'm still bruised and battered…**

**But I hope you enjoy this! I had to wait until the painkillers wore off to write since on full dosage I sound like my girlfriend when she's drunk aka I was holding a conversation with a rake… and on half I speak and think in Afrikaans… still not helpful… but I digress. So enjoy whilst I dose myself up again!**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_Here I lie forever_

_Sorrow still remains_

_Will the water pull me down?_

_And wash it all away?_

_Come and take me over_

_Welcome to the game_

_Will the current drag me down_

_And carry me away_

_Suddenly the light begins to fade_

_(Hopeless)_

_I'm falling down_

_(Filthy)_

_I can't wake up_

_I cannot hold on_

_I will not let go_

_(Worthless)_

_It's over now_

_(Guilty)_

_There's no way out_

_I cannot hold on_

_I will not let go_

_Hopeless- breaking Benjamin_

.o.)O(.o.

Happy endings don't exist.

It had taken Feliciano eight years to learn that.

It had started out alright, things seeming to get better for a moment. Then it had all started going south.

His nightmares had started to slowly fade only for Ludwig to start dreaming and remembering, his guilt fuelling bad memories that kept him up late. It was bad enough that his studies kept him up late as it was.

The Italian sighed softly as he listened to the light pacing and occasional clink of glass on wood coming from behind him, doing his best to focus on the painting in front of him. He'd received a large commission and wanted to get the portrait done as quickly as possible.

But he couldn't block out the sound of his lover drinking more and more.

There was no such thing as happy endings…

.o.)O(.o.

Feliciano lightly kissed Ludwig's forehead as he dozed off on the couch. He didn't want him to get a sore back from sleeping there but he didn't have a hope of carrying him off to bed like the German had done when the Italian had fallen asleep in unusual places courtesy of working on artwork till the early hours of the morning. All he could do was cover him with a blanket and make sure he was comfortable until he woke up and crawled into their bed.

He cleared away the bottles of beer, frowning at the sheer number before grabbing a glass of water and some aspirin to put on the now empty table. He did everything with practiced movements, barely thinking as he did it.

This was the third time this week alone.

He sighed softly as he cast a look at the slumbering German before turning out the lights. He knew Ludwig would join him in a few hours.

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig gave a soft groan as he woke up, head throbbing and tongue feeling thick and fuzzy from the over-indulgence of alcohol. He reached blindly for the glass he knew would be within his reach, smiling as his fingers met clear and cold surface.

Feliciano didn't deserve this, he thought as he took a sip and downed the tablets. After all he'd been through he deserved much better than a lover who felt the need to drown his memories in the bottom of a bottle.

He sighed as he put the empty glass down, not wanting to think about his reasons for drinking. It just made him want to cringe.

He got enough of that in his dreams.

He stood weakly, stumbling slightly as he shook his head free of the thoughts. He didn't turn the lights on, knowing that the brightness would sting his senses, choosing instead to walk through the darkness until he reached the bed he shared with Feliciano.

The German slipped into it gratefully, wrapping his arms around the Italian who flinched for a moment before relaxing into the light grasp. He hadn't completely recovered from the trauma in his past, occasionally slipping up with small gestures.

Ludwig just sighed softly, kissing his hair soothingly.

"…Ludwig?" the brunette murmured sleepily.

"Ja, it's me…"

Feliciano gave a content sigh, snuggling into the embrace. "I missed you…"

Ludwig glanced away guiltily, unsure of how to respond. He hated treating the Italian like this. He was saved from answering as Feliciano fell asleep, the German following right behind him.

.o.)O(.o.

"_You're not going to let me live… how is that any different?" Lars murmured softly. "Face it boys. You're no better than I am." He flinched as cold metal was pressed against his temple before any of the enraged students could attack him, Lovino glaring at him coldly although his hand shook slightly._

"_At least we're doing the world a favour. You DESERVE this. What did my Fratello or Matthew ever do?" he growled, eyes hard as Lars met his gaze defiantly._

"_I can't deny what I did; I am what I am in the end." He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "If you're so sure I deserve it, go ahead. Pull the trigger." He watched Lovino intently, seeing the altering emotions flash across his features. Fear, doubt, anger, even some sadness appearing before his face hardened, hand no longer shaking._

"_Do it." Gilbert murmured, glaring at Lars murderously. Alfred and Ludwig nodded in agreement as the Dutchman sighed, lifting his head defiantly._

"_Go ahead… if you're so certain this is right, then do it." He mumbled in resignation. "Just remember that you can't take it back." He glanced at each of them in turn. "All of you will be as guilty as I am…" he closed his eyes waiting for the gunshot._

_The click of the safety being turned off the gun echoed loudly in the silence, making them all flinch before the Italian pulled the trigger. Lars immediately crumpled, falling into a limp heap as the bullet entered his skull. Warm blood splashed against Lovino's hand from the point blank shot as he glanced in surprise between the gun and the dead body._

Ludwig woke with a gasp from the memory, pressing his hands against his eyes to drive it away as he grit his teeth. It was done. He couldn't let it still affect him…

"It's your own fault you know… if you hadn't of done this to me you would have been free to live some wonderful apple pie life with your little boyfriend."

Ludwig growled softly at the too familiar voice.

"Leave me alone. You're not real…"

"Of course not, YOU made sure of that." Ludwig sighed, allowing his eyes to open as he glared at the hallucination, just another reason why he hated drinking even if he couldn't stop.

"You deserved it. You ruined Feli's life."

Lars just raised an eyebrow as he smirked. "And you ruined mine. Murderer."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Feliciano gave a startled yelp at the shout, leaping awake with wide eyes. He calmed slightly when he saw only Ludwig looking anxious and angry.

"Luddy? Ve? Are you okay?" he asked softly, lightly touching his shoulder.

The German sighed softly at the touch giving a weary sigh. "Ja Feli… just a bad dream…"

Feliciano frowned slightly, leaning forward to give him a kiss. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ludwig shook his head, kissing the Italian back before pulling away. "Nein, its okay…" he checked the clock, groaning when he saw the time.

Five- twelve, he had to get ready for work in less than an hour.

"I'll just go for a run for a bit, go back to sleep." Feliciano continued to frown a bit but nodded.

"I'll see you later then…"

Ludwig made a mental note to bring him home some flowers or something when he got home to apologise for running off. He just couldn't go back to sleep for forty minutes and risk dreaming again, he was sleep deprived enough as it was.

.o.)O(.o.

"Hey bru! How's work going?" an obnoxious shout made Ludwig turn around, grinding his teeth as he faced his brother.

"Gilbert, if you need another set of stitches I'm going kill you…" he growled. Gilbert just laughed loudly, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"How many times has that happened West? How masochistic do you think I am?"

Ludwig just sighed. "Eight times these past six weeks." The albino frowned slightly at the number.

"Huh… I thought it was less than that… anyway, that aside; you're coming round to my place tonight. No excuses!" the elder German smiled.

"Bruder, do you have any idea how busy I am?"

Gilbert snorted. "Don't care. You and that cute Italian of yours are coming and I won't leave until you agree."

Ludwig sighed softly, glaring at his brother. "Fine, if it gets you to leave me alone I'll be there. Can I go now? I have an appointment to get to."

"I'll see you there bru! Oh and can you check my arm? I think I pulled some stitches last night…" he put his hands up in a mock surrender when Ludwig's jaw tightened in irritation. "I wasn't fighting! Promise!"

Ludwig sighed softly, motioning for his brother to come with him into his office before grabbing a pair of gloves. "Why don't I believe you?" he asked as he rolled Gilbert's sleeve up, gently pulling the bandage off to examine the enflamed gash across his bicep.

"I wasn't this time, Birdie and I decided to try something new and-"

"I don't want to hear that!"

Gilbert just chuckled, wincing as some antiseptic was run over the wound. "Don't be such a prude bru, it's not like you and Feli haven't done the same…"

"We are not discussing this." Ludwig growled. "My sex life is none of your concern."

"What? The Italian not putting out or something?" Ludwig glared at him, fighting the urge to be a little rougher than necessary as he started re-stitching the cut.

"Nein it isn't that, and there's no way you tore your stitches like you said you did…" Ludwig murmured poking at a fresh bruise on his brother's knuckles.

"Um… I over stretched whilst refitting a tire at the shop?" Gilbert tried sheepishly. He sighed when Ludwig just raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I may have punched a guy who came to close to Matthew…"

"…you need to stop this Gil… you can't pick a fight with everyone who comes within a few metres of him. Matthew can look after himself you know?"

"I just don't want him to get hurt again… it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something to help."

Ludwig sighed; he knew what his brother meant. He finished up the bandaging before releasing the albino's arm. "I know bru… but you're going to get yourself killed."

Gilbert just rolled his eyes. "Please, I'm too awesome to get myself killed!"

Ludwig chuckled humourlessly, cleaning up the used medical supplies with practiced hands. "I'll see you later Gilbert. Try to stay out of trouble till then?"

"Whatever makes you happy bru! See ya then!"

.o.)O(.o.

_Silent eyes watch us_

_I am not afraid_

_I can see the daylight shine_

_And slowly drift away_

_Safe to say it's over_

_And sink into the grave_

_There's nothing left inside_

_But I am wide awake_

_I can hear the devil call my name_

_(Hopeless)_

_I'm falling down_

_(Filthy)_

_I can't wake up_

_I cannot hold on_

_I will not let go_

_(Worthless)_

_It's over now_

_(Guilty)_

_There's no way out_

_I cannot hold on_

_I will not let go_

_Hopeless- breaking Benjamin_

**A/N2: in case you're confused Ludwig became a doctor whilst Gilbert became a mechanic, Feliciano does commission based painting as well as some minor teaching which we'll get more into later along with the other's career choices.**

**And Ludwig has developed a minor alcohol addiction whilst Gilbert is constantly getting into fights out of a need to prevent the events of eight years ago repeating themselves (his logic is that if he chases threats off early enough he won't have to do what he did again.)**

**Please don't expect updates every few days… I work such long hours that, at most, I'll be able to manage weekly updates…**

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: gott I'm tired… it's not even half past six yet… but a day off tomorrow to get my chores done and eat all sorts of crap I can't get during the week! **

**On the downside my self-esteem kinda crash dived… so I'll just finish this up and post it tomorrow once I get more phone credit…**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_Lie awake in bed at night_

_Think about your life_

_Do you want to be different?_

_Try to let go of the truth_

_The battles of your youth_

_Cause this is just a game_

_It's a beautiful lie_

_It's a perfect denial_

_Such a beautiful lie to believe in_

_Such a beautiful, beautiful lie_

_Makes me…_

_Beautiful lie- 30 seconds to mars_

.o.)O(.o.

Lovino frowned, cursing slightly as he held the gun he'd been cleaning to the light. Despite the constant rubbing and oiling a small speck of blood remained on the metal, a dark maroon smudge on the silvery surface. The Italian let out a small frustrated sigh as he worked to free the dried bodily fluid, silently cursing the man who'd left it there.

First he'd gone back on their deal and pocketed his portion of the profits and then he'd gotten blood on Lovino's favourite gun? The brunette would have killed him if it hadn't been redundant…

He cursed as the front door opened (slammed into the wall being the more appropriate term…), shoving the gun to the back of his drawer as a cheerful "I'm home Lovi~" rung out.

"Damn it bastard! Like I didn't know that! …making such a fucking noise…" he growled, giving Antonio a kiss. The Spaniard just smiled, shifting his groceries to the other hand to kiss him back.

"Lo siento Lovi, the door got jammed again… how was the restaurant?" Lovino barely twitched at the blatant lie being shoved in his face by his ignorant boyfriend. The less he knew the better in his opinion as he rolled his eyes.

"The idiots forgot to restock the pantry, I had to run out and do it myself…" he growled as he came up with a reasonable story for the day. It sounded better than 'a drug lord didn't pay me so I shot him in the back of the head as a warning to others' at least… "How was your day?"

Antonio just shrugged, putting his bags down. "… I got sunburnt…" he admitted, showing the Italian the red skin on the back of his neck and making him grind his teeth together.

"Danezione… how many times have I told you to put some damn sun block on?" Lovino growled as he went to grab some after-sun.

"Um… about the same number of times as you've told me to leave the bulls alone?" the Spaniard was currently working just outside the city on a farm helping harvest tomatoes and other fruit and vegetables as well as looking after the small head of cattle on the property.

"Exactly! And do you listen?"

"No…~" he let out a sigh of relief as the cool cream was put on his burnt skin. "Grazie Lovi~ Te amo~"

Lovino just rolled his eyes. "Si, si, I love you too… stupid bastard…"

"Oh and Gil called me~ we're going over to his place for dinner, isn't that ni- ow! Lovi!" the Spaniard whined when the Italian pinched the back of his neck hard.

"No. if we go then it'll mean that either the French bastard or the potato bastard will be there. Thanks, but no thanks bastardo!"

"They'll both be there actually~ ooow… Lovi, please stop hitting me?"

"Hell no!"

.o.)O(.o.

"I can't believe you talked me into this bastard…" Lovino pouted from the front seat as his tanned boyfriend started driving to the house the albino shared with Matthew.

"Aw… it's not that bad Lovi~ I'll make it up to you~" the Spaniard promised.

"You owe me pasta for a week. And tomatoes. Fresh ones!"

Antonio nodded, not looking concerned. "Si~ that's alright amor~"

"And you, tied to the bed. No excuses!"

The Spaniard just looked even less concerned at that, a grin spreading across his features. "Oh~? Want to ride me huh~"

"Wipe that smirk off your face bastard. You won't be able to sit for a week once I'm done with you!"

"Why is it every time you say that it ends up being you who can't sit do- ow… Lovi… Why are you so mean…?"

.o.)O(.o.

By the time the pair had arrived the Spaniards arms were littered with bruises and Lovino's scowl had turned up full force. It only depended when he saw Ludwig seated on the couch with Feliciano hanging off his arm. Gilbert was lounging against the wall as Matthew handed out wine and beer before sitting down.

"Hi fratello~"

"Hallo Lovino…"

Lovino nodded, glaring at the German who just sighed. "Feli, potato bastard." He nearly jumped a foot in the air when a heavily accented voice came from right behind him.

"Lovino! Charming as ever oui?"

"Danezione! Don't do that you fucking fuckface!" he growled, trying to save face as he turned to face Francis who was currently giving Antonio a hug.

The Frenchman just sighed, "Toni, I feel sorry for you sometimes…"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean! Fucking bastard…" he stormed off to the kitchen angrily as there was another knock on the door.

"I'll get it! We know my brother doesn't like you much eh Gil?" Matthew smiled as he got up to answer it. His nose wrinkled distastefully as he smelt the smoke clinging to Alfred's clothes. "Ugh… Al… couldn't you get changed first?" he asked as he glared at the distinctive yellow of his half-brother's fire fighters uniform.

"If we did we would have been late… bloody git was an hour and a half late from work!" Arthur growled as he pushed past the American. Alfred scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Yeah… the guys asked me to help clean the truck since one of them was home sick. Any chance I could borrow some clothes?" he asked, looking after Arthur with a slight frown.

Matthew just smiled, trying to ease the tension. "Sure Al, then come sit down and have a beer eh?"

.o.)O(.o.

Arthur froze when he meet Francis's eye, the Frenchman immediately smiling and heading over.

"Nice to see you again Arthur. What's it been, a week non?" he asked with a purr as Arthur immediately frowned.

"Damn it! Don't say that you bloody wanker! What if Alfred hears?" he growled, checking that the American was still upstairs getting changed. He breathed a sigh of relief when the room was empty of him and anyone paying attention to them.

Francis frowned, cocking his head slightly. "You said you were breaking up with him… you know I don't like sneaking around like this…"

Arthur frowned, gritting his teeth angrily. "I know! I know! Enough already!" he shouted, blushing as everyone turned to look at him.

"Wow Artie… it hasn't even been five minutes and you are Francis are already fighting!" he shook his head in amusement, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. "Now that's what I call dedicated! It's been eight years and you STILL can't get along! Hahaha!" he laughed. Not catching Francis's sheepish look or Arthur's roll of the eyes.

"Hey Al? Is that my coat?" Matthew interrupted, frowning at the cream coloured sheepskin.

"Yep, I was cold and this is so fluffy! You don't mind right?"

"Well… actually-"

"Good! Thanks bru! So why are we hear any way? You and the albino finally breaking up?"

"Hey! That's not awesome dude! There's no way Mattie could break up with me! In fact-" Gilbert shut up as the Canadian elbowed his side with a smile, his jacket forgotten.

"No Al, Gil and I are still together. In fact…" He held up his hand, displaying an ornately patterned silver ring. "We're getting married eh!"

.o.)O(.o.

_It's time to forget about the past_

_To wash away what happened last_

_Hide behind an empty face_

_That has too much to say_

_Cause this is just a game_

_It's a beautiful lie_

_It's a perfect denial_

_Such a beautiful lie to believe in_

_Such a beautiful, beautiful lie_

_Makes me…_

_A beautiful lie- 30 seconds to mars_

**A/N2: ooooh, drama… hehe how many of you want to kick my ass?**

**Anyway as you can see Alfred is a fireman. I got the idea for this from my girlfriend's (she's kidnapped the account 'woodbyne') story 'the fireman's arms'. This is a good story. Go check it out. Now mind slaves! Now some of you may be questioning me on why I'm telling you to go read/review her stuff when we compete for things such as reviews, length, translations etc. but we're good sports. She sends people my way and I send them her way, it puts us on even footing :) but seriously, she's awesome! **

**Francis and Matthew are working together at a patisserie, Antonio as I said is working on a farm and Lovino has climbed the ranks within the mafia but pretends to work in a restaurant whose owner owes him money. Arthur runs a book/occult store.**

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: and just when you thought things were all rainbows and butterflies the author comes along again :) and as for the song choice, it's from the musical/cd version of 'war of the worlds', now I hate musicals and classical music but this one always sends shivers down my spine. And despite what my girlfriend thinks the songs do not consist of 'the aliens are coming~' silly Italy 3 and it's set in London not America.**

**Oh and a big thanks to xXgirlINtheMASKXx who's translating tainted into german. So many feels… 3**

**Apologies for this chapter in advance… Hetalia isn't mine…**

_Once there was a time I believed, without hesitation_

_That the power of love and truth could conquer all In the name of salvation_

_Tell me what kind of weapon is love when it comes to the fight?_

_And just how much protection is trust against all Satan's might?_

_There must be something worth living for_

_There must be something worth trying for_

_Even some things worth dying for_

_And if one man can stand tall_

_There must be hope for us all_

_Somewhere_

_Somewhere in the spirit of man_

_Spirit of man-war of the worlds_

Ludwig immediately smiled, getting up to clap his brother on the back. The albino was grinning proudly, an arm around Matthew's waist as they accepted all the congratulations and questions about dates and details. Lovino just nodded, giving quick congratulations before scolding Antonio for acting like a hyperactive child.

The only one not saying anything was Alfred who was glancing between the ring, his brother and Gilbert with heightening disapproval. "No. you are not marrying him!" he eventually growled once he found his voice.

Everyone fell silent, Arthur shoving the American in the ribs to try and get him to behave.

'…Al, it's kind of my choice eh?" Matthew murmured, chuckling humourlessly in an attempt to lighten the tension. Alfred just shook his head.

"No, there's protocol here! He never asked me for my permission to marry you!"

"Isn't it meant to be the father who's asked for permission?" Gilbert asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes! And I bet you didn't ask him since Mattie refuses to speak to him!"

Matthew scoffed at the comment. "I don't care what Dad says…"

"Hey! Dad's awesome! He brought you home to live with us after your mom died after all!"

"Awesome? He spent all of my childhood confusing me for you and complaining about how unlike you I was! I was never good enough for him so why should he have a say here!" Matthew growled, voice rising slightly which surprised half of the people gathered in the room. The Canadian never lost his temper.

"Maybe if you hadn't argued with him so much he wouldn't have done that!"

"Please! He never gave a damn about me! He only took me in because he felt guilty about leaving my mother to raise a kid alone when she could barely afford to feed herself!"

"Well maybe if your mother had been smarter that wouldn't have happened! But no, she was stupid and got herself AIDS, died and we got stuck with my father's bastard son!"

Matthew visibly flinched at the words; hurt flashing across his face at his half-brother's words. Gilbert immediately stiffened as he saw the small tears forming at the corners of his fiancé's eyes.

"Take it back Alfred…" he growled threateningly. His eyes were hard as stones as he took a step towards the American.

Alfred just glared at him, too angry and hurt to see what he'd done to his brother. "Or what? You'll beat me up like you'll eventually do to Mattie? Don't think I haven't heard about your fi-" he was interrupted by an angry shout from the albino as he lunged forward with a flying fist.

The blonde hissed as it connected with his jaw before fighting back, shouting and swearing at the enraged Gilbert.

"Gilbert! Enough!" Ludwig ordered, grabbing hold of his brother once he got over his shock at the elder's behaviour. It took a fair bit of pulling to separate the pair, Arthur cursing as he grabbed the American.

The pair were panting, fighting against the people holding them before settling to glare at each other venomously. Alfred had a split lip and an already bruising jaw whilst Gilbert had a gash over his eyebrow and the beginnings of a black eye.

Antonio, Francis and Feliciano were watching the proceedings with shock, surprised they'd go to blows so easily. Lovino merely looked amused, not noticing as Matthew slipped from the room.

"Verdamt bruder, what the hell were you thinking?" Ludwig growled, tugging Gilbert out of the room. He gave the cut a quick once over before deciding it would heal up alright alone.

The albino just shrugged, still shaking with anger. "He hurt Matthew…"

"And you don't think attacking his brother would do the same? This has to stop Gil!"

"What? You're saying I should have let him get away with what he said? Let him accuse me of eventually hurting Mattie?"

"You could have at least been civil! You shouldn't have gotten involved! They're brothers; of course they're going to fight! How would you feel if Feliciano did what you did if we were having a fight?"

They both paused as they heard the door slam; Arthur's scolding carrying through the walls as he dragged Alfred away. The American still sounded angry, arguing back and swearing.

Ludwig sighed, glaring warningly at Gilbert. "Go check on Matthew. I'll send everyone home." He ordered.

Gilbert looked on the verge of arguing for a moment before backing down. He was finally starting to calm down. "Fine… thanks for coming I guess…"

Ludwig nodded. "We'll go out to celebrate when everyone calms down." He promised, heading back into the lounge to tell Francis, Antonio and Lovino to head home. The Italian gave a derisive snort.

"Cheh, so typical… the minute things get interesting the potato bastard is a killjoy. You really know how to pick them fratello." He grabbed Antonio's hand and tugged him after him.

Feliciano just smiled at the comment, too used to his brother's steadily worsening attitude to be bothered. He waited patiently as Francis followed behind the pair, heading over to Ludwig as he gave a frustrated sigh.

He hesitantly hugged him, frowning at how distracted he was.

"I don't know what to do about him…" Ludwig murmured, the pair leaving the house. "He's changed so much…"

Feliciano's frown deepened, he didn't want to admit the truth that Ludwig had changed equally as much.

They all had.

.o.)O(.o.

"Mattie? Birdie? Are you in there?" Gilbert asked softly, knocking on the door warily.

"Go away…" Matthew replied, voice slightly cracked. The albino sighed, opening the door. None of the doors had locks on them as a precaution against something like this happening. Gilbert didn't want to have to pick locks within his own home.

"Matthew, I'm sorry… I didn't think…" The Canadian shook his head.

"It's alright… he's right after all, I am just a good for nothing bastard son of a prostitute…" Gilbert frowned, sitting down beside him and tilting his head so that blonde had no choice but to look at him.

"Matthew, you're a wonderful person. I wouldn't be marrying you if I didn't think so. So don't listen to what Alfred or anyone says… you're perfect." He promised. He gently kissed away some of the tears still clinging to the smaller man's eyelashes, making him give a sad smile.

"You mean it?" he asked softly.

"Of course I mean it, now come. We just announced our awesome engagement, we should be celebrating!"

.o.)O(.o.

"How the hell could you be so stupid? You went and ruined your brother's announcement!" Arthur shouted, his face creased in horror as the pair walked into the small house they shared. Alfred sighed softly, now that he'd calmed down he was beginning to feel guilt over his words.

"I don't know okay! I wasn't thinking about him…"

"Well that's obvious!"

"Artie I'm sorry… I've had a bad few days and this on top of it? I feel like I'm losing my brother…"

Arthur sighed, features softening slightly. "He's your brother. You won't lose him."

"And what about you? Call me crazy… but I feel like I'm losing you too. We're always fighting now…" He admitted, looking younger than his age.

"You won't lose me until I lose you. I Promise." Arthur murmured, twisting the words so it wouldn't be a lie. Alfred had been spending so long at work he'd long ago started suspecting that he wasn't the only one with someone on the side.

It was why he'd looked up Francis. He wanted to know how to tell but his questioning had turned into something more.

And he'd liked the feeling of being equal with Alfred. If he was going to be betrayed like that he wanted to at least do something about it…

And he couldn't confront the American about it without facing his fears of finding out he was right…

Alfred smiled, looking relieved as he gave Arthur a kiss.

"Thanks love. I guess I was just being stupid… I'm going to call Mattie to apologise now okay?"

.o.)O(.o.

_No Nathanial_

_Oh, no Nathanial_

_Oh, no Nathanial no_

_There must be more to life_

_There has to be a way that we can restore to life_

_The love we used to know_

_Oh, no Nathanial, no_

_There must be more to life_

_There has to be a way that we can restore to life_

_The light that we have lost_

_There must be something worth living for_

_(No there is nothing!)_

_There must be something worth trying for_

_(I don't believe it's so!)_

_Even some things worth dying for_

_If just one man can stand tall_

_There would be some hope for us all_

_Somewhere_

_Somewhere in the spirit of man_

_Spirit of man- war of the worlds_

**A/N2: oh Alfred, you poor naïve idiot who doesn't know when to shut his mouth. I'm so mean.**

**And yes, Matthew's mother was a prostitute who got pregnant after a night with Alfred's father. She later developed AIDS in an attempt to provide for her son until he was taken in by his father after her death. They didn't see eye to eye… So mattie has a lot of daddy issues.**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon revolution: sorry for not replying last chapter, I fell so far behind with review replies that I've only just caught up… yep, he will be matthew Beilschmidt :) I'm afraid I'm not a big fan of crossdressing but I can probably do a compromise of sorts somehow :) pets I can certainly do! yep, Arthur misjudged why Alfred's been staying at work. It'll come into the next chapter or so. Your guinea pig sounds funny! Wow… that's a major way to die… *catches and revives* glad you're enjoying the sequel though!**

**A random fan: don't worry, my mind's always in the gutter… as my friend who's like romano said of my girlfriend and I after she almost fell in a ditch "you're mind's in the gutter so much I'm sure a ditch wouldn't hurt it." Glad you like the sequel, it's only my second attempt at one and the first one sucked. Cosmically. As in 'fuck I need to go back and delete my first few stories…'.**

**Hopefully I'll be able to update again soon… I have to fit in writing around drawing and working long hours so by the time it's nine at night I'm wiped out… sorry about all the late review replies. Working up to fourteen hours a day doesn't make me desperate to fiddle on my phone in an attempt to get it to work properly…**

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: sorry this took so long. I've just worked fifteen days straight in broken shoes that leave me limping so I haven't had time to write. Not to mention I got writers block _ but if my girlfriend can take my advice to get over her writer's block so could I! **

**Please don't hate me for this chapter… Hetalia isn't mine!**

_One day you'll smile again_

_I can't say no to you_

_Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand_

_I can't say no to you_

_Shouldn't let you touch me so sweetly_

_Now I can't let go of this dream_

_I can't breathe_

_But I feel good enough_

_For you_

_Good enough- Evanescence_

The phone rang several times before Matthew picked up; Alfred suspected that he was contemplating ignoring him. In the end though, their bond as brothers won out.

"…Alfred?" the timid voice asked softly. The American breathed a sigh of relief at how he no longer sounded upset.

"Hey Mattie," he laughed awkwardly. There was a moment of silence before he decided to bite the bullet and just apologize. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said… I didn't mean any of it." He mumbled sheepishly.

"It's alright. I know you and Gil don't get along…"

"That's an understatement…" Alfred joked, smiling when Matthew chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess it is eh?"

"…so my baby brother's getting married… wow… that's just… wow." He wasn't sure what else to say.

On the other line Matthew nodded, "yeah I am. We're thinking sometime in August. Just to give us time to plan everything."

"It's quite a lot I guess… so who's wearing the dress?" Alfred laughed as the Canadian started spluttering.

"NEITHER OF US!" he protested. "…though Gilbert tried to convince me too…"

Alfred just chuckled. "I was just joking bro."

"Hey Al?" Matthew asked timidly, still a bit embarrassed about the question. "I wanted to ask you something earlier, but…"

Alfred remained silent, not enjoying the reminder of what he'd done and said.

"Would you be the one to give me away as well as my best man? I don't want Dad to do it…"

The American smiled at the offer, feeling a rush of brotherly pride and love. "Of course I would bro! This will be awesome! Hahaha, of course the hero will do it!"

.o.)O(.o.

"Do you want to go out for dinner?" Ludwig offered thoughtfully as they started driving home. "Since we didn't get a chance to eat because of my brother and Alfred."

Feliciano smiled, nodding happily as he paused from humming along to the radio. "Si, I would." It had been a while since the pair had gone out on a date like that. "…can we get pasta?"

The German chuckled at the question, no matter how much time passed or how often they ate pasta the smaller man never grew tired of it. "Of course we can Feli." He promised, travelling down a familiar road to a small Italian restaurant.

They were quickly seated and although Feliciano chose what he wanted within minutes (spaghetti bolognaise) Ludwig took a few minutes to decide. He didn't notice the way the Italian frowned when they ordered their drinks and the waiter disappeared to fetch a glass of red wine and a bottle of beer.

He sipped his drink contently, smiling at the brunette before frowning. Feliciano's brow was still slightly creased. "What's wrong?" he asked, putting the bottle down with a soft clink.

_I wish you wouldn't drink so much…_

The Italian just laughed, forcing a smile on his face with practiced movements. "Ve~ it's okay, I'm just worried about Matthew that's all." He lied. It wasn't completely untrue; he was worried about his friend.

"I'm sure he'll be alright. My brother's with him and Alfred will come round quickly. He's just impulsive." Ludwig reassured, taking another sip of his drink as their food arrived. He'd already drink half of it whilst Feliciano's remained untouched but for a sip.

"Si, I'm sure you're right…"

_But what about you?_

.o.)O(.o.

Feliciano was panting as he helped Ludwig back into the house; the blonde was twice his weight and made the process difficult. He'd decided that it would probably be better for him to drive then let the starting to stumble German do so in the end.

"c'mon… Luddy… let's get… you to bed…" he mumbled around pants, keeping the other upright with difficulty.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he managed to make it to the bed, setting the German down before getting changed. He flinched when a pair of arms wrapped around him, giving a squeak of surprise.

He registered a pair of lips on his throat before catching the strong scent of alcohol. The contrast of the smell to the gentle touch was astounding.

"L-Ludwig… ve… stop…" Feliciano murmured softly, hesitantly pushing the other. His shove didn't make much of an impression. Ludwig merely pulled back a few inches, gazing at him with alcohol clouded eyes.

"But I love you…" he slurred.

The Italian shook his head, squirming out of the German's grasp. "Not when you're like this… please?"

Ludwig didn't seem to hear him, moving closer again. "Bitte? I want you…" he purred softly, not noticing the uncertainty and conflict in Feliciano's amber eyes.

The brunette remained stiff as he allowed the other to wrap his arms around him again. He loved the German. It was the only reason why he could close his eyes and ignore the scent of beer and the unintentional rough movements.

He didn't want to hurt Ludwig even if it meant lying to him.

He shivered as the other's fingers ran over his body, keeping his eyes closed and pretending it was their first time.

.o.)O(.o.

"_Are you sure you want to do this?"_

_Feliciano nodded hesitantly. "V-ve… si."_

_Ludwig frowned at the uncertainty, reaching out to cup the Italian's face in his hand. "We don't have to. I understand if you want to wait longer."_

_The brunette shook his head. "Please, I want to…" _

"_I'll be gentle. I promise. If you want to stop all you have to do is say so."_

.o.)O(.o.

Feliciano sighed softly as he lay naked in Ludwig's embrace. The German had fallen asleep within minutes after they'd both come, alcohol and exhaustion finally taking their toll.

The Italian couldn't sleep though. He could feel his skin beginning to bruise where Ludwig had gripped his hips too hard and stiffness and tenderness had already appeared in his lower back.

He gave another sad sigh, turning his face into the pillow to hide frustrated tears. He couldn't say no to him even when he was like this.

"_I'll be gentle. I promise. If you want to stop all you have to do is say so."_

He wondered when that promise had changed. He knew that the bruises were unintentional, Ludwig had been to inebriated to realize he was being too rough. But it still hurt.

All he wanted was Ludwig to see what he was doing to the pair of them.

_It's been such a long time coming_

_But I feel good_

_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall_

_Pouring life down on me_

_Cause I can't hold on_

_To anything this good_

_And now am I good enough_

_For you to love me too_

_So take care of what you ask of me_

_Cause I can't say no_

_Good enough- evanescence_

**A/N2: I just managed to write this with a big huntsman spider somewhere behind my head… by big I mean the length of my finger… I've seen bigger and they're not poisonous but my lack of concern is probably not healthy…**

**I blame being a south African/ Australian… and being related to my dad.**

**Oh well, hands up, who hates me?**

**I should probably go hide…**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon revolution: yep, lots and lots of drama! :) ja, poor Mattie hasn't had the best of pasts but cookies might help! Glad you're enjoying this overworked and bruised and battered author's fic :) thanks for the review!**

**I'll try to update again soon but again, my schedule. And now that I've gotten back into painting I've got even less time on my hands. Not to mention I'm still getting bruised and injured on a daily basis… I've got a bruise and swelling covering my upper arm from a horse bite and all the other horses like head butting it _ but like I said, I'll do my best! And I always keep my promises :)**

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: yes, I know it took ages to get out… I'm tired and overworked. But I'm doing my best! Don't worry! …great and I have molasses or something in my hair… stupid horse…**

**Please don't kill me for this or its shortness. It was the best I could do…**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_As the river runs freely_

_As the mountain does rise_

_Let me touch with my fingers_

_See with my eyes_

_In the hearts of the children a pure love still grows_

_Like the bright star in heaven that lights our way home_

_Like the flower that shattered the stone_

_Flower that shattered the stone- John Denver_

"I haven't heard from my brother in eight years." Femke forced out as she turned away from the young officer who'd turned up on her doorstep. They turned up every few months, young men and women wanted to catch a cold case rapist or killer who had no problem bothering relatives or witnesses for information. Normally the Belgian woman wouldn't have minded, after all, they were just doing their jobs.

But it was her brother they were looking for.

She was sure he must be dead… he hadn't contacted her in eight years whereas previously he wouldn't go a week without phoning or checking up on her. She could understand why, she had a habit of making stupid decisions or choices.

But every time a cop showed up she started hoping he was still alive. Only to have her hopes dashed.

_Or worse…_ she thought as she felt a small kick from her unborn child. She couldn't remember getting pregnant. She'd gone looking for information in a seedy bar after a cop much like the one lounging in the doorway mentioned a "sighting" of her brother there.

The next thing she remembered was waking up sore and confused, her memory fuzzy and blurred courtesy of a spiked drink.

She had to move on… even if it was just for the baby's sake.

"I told you… I don't know where Lars is." She sighed. "Just go please? I've got things to get done." She could feel her uncaring mask slipping as she thought on her (dead?) brother.

The officer scowled but nodded, thanking her for her time despite his obvious frustration.

Femke listened as the door to her apartment was slammed shut before collapsing into a chair. She hated it when they showed up like that. Every time she started picking up the pieces of her life they'd do so and then the doubt would start and the grief.

It was like the first time all over again.

When she had learnt what Lars had done and had been caught between anger and love for her brother. She'd grown to forgive him in the end but the reminders hurt.

Her brother was a rapist…

And it had been eight years since those men had broken in and forced her to tell them where he was. Eight years since she'd last heard from him.

The memory filled her with rage. She didn't believe in revenge and although what her brother had done was wrong neither her nor him had deserved to have people hurting them for it.

So why did she want revenge? She'd felt the pain it brought on people but she wanted to get back at those who'd hurt her and stolen the only person she loved away.

She was so confused.

"Damn it Lars… where are you? I need you…" she sighed, resting her head in her hands.

.o.)O(.o.

Feliciano smiled as he gave a small child advice on how to get more out of his painting. All the work they produced was still innocent and childish, misshaped and hardly brilliant, but he loved seeing them grow.

He paused as he reached a small blonde girl, her brow creased as she focused on her sketch. He felt a certain flickering of a memory at the way she was sitting, her gaze sad as she drew.

"Lilly? Ve? Are you okay?" he asked uncertainly, he struggled to work out what she was drawing. The girl was only six and still working to improve on her work, he thought he could see a sad face but couldn't be sure.

The girl jumped, looking up with wide blue-green eyes. "Ja mister Vargas. I'm alright…" she stammered, trying to be polite as she'd been taught.

Feliciano frowned slightly but nodded, making a note to keep an eye on her. He didn't know why but everything about the girl brought back memories of his own childhood.

He hoped he was wrong, that she was just having a bad day but he had to be sure.

No-one deserved what had happened to him…

"Remember, you can tell me anything ve?" he murmured, trying to smile reassuringly.

Doubt flashed across the young girl's face, making her seem older than her six years. "Ja mister Vargas, danke…" she mumbled, turning back to her work.

The Italian sighed, moving past Lilly and onto the next student. He was still frowning, unsure of whether to alert someone to his suspicions or not. If he was correct than the sooner someone found out the better but if he was wrong he could traumatise the girl and her family.

He sighed again. He was beginning to understand what Ludwig was going through…

He wouldn't kill anyone though. No-one deserved that even for doing something like that! He'd just keep an eye on Lilly and if there were any signs of abuse he'd phone the police in a second.

.o.)O(.o.

"Damn it Francis! What the hell are you doing here?" Arthur hissed as he ushered the Frenchman inside. As much as he didn't want him there the idea of a neighbour noticing him and passing it on to Alfred was even more nerve-wracking.

Francis just shook his head and bent to press a kiss to the Brit's lips. "I missed you, is that a sin?" he asked softly.

Arthur just scowled. "what if Alfred comes home?" he mumbled half-heartedly, not even bothering to push him away, not even when skilled hands started fiddling with his shirt.

"He's never home this early Chou… please?" the Frenchman purred.

The shorter man sighed, giving in as he started kissing the other back. He was right after all. Alfred was rarely home before nine let alone six.

He was so focussed on the kiss that he didn't hear the door open.

"Hey Artie! I'm sorry about yesterday… What do you say we-" Arthur stiffened, pulling away from Francis in time to see pain filled blue eyes before the American turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. A bouquet of flowers lay forgotten on the floor in his wake.

"…al?"

_Sparrows find freedom beholding the sun_

_In the infinite beauty we're all joined in one_

_I reach out before me and look to the sky_

_Did I hear someone whisper?_

_Did something pass by?_

_Flower that shattered the stone- John Denver_

**A/N2: I think I must be suicidal… the way I write at least. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon Revolution: yep, lots of conflict with everyone! Don't worry, if I make stupid puns with my name than I can't judge stupid song references… yeah, it is tough… you know you have a shitty job when you have days where you wish that the next time you get hurt it actually breaks something so that you can go home without hurting your pride… thankfully my self-preservation is stronger than my (somewhat traitorous) thoughts… even a rearing horse trying to kick my head in didn't manage to get worse than a scrape and rope burn. Now I better get back to work… the bedtime for this exhausted author I've been up since 3:30 QQ glad you liked it though! Thanks for the review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: got it out as quickly as I could! Sorry about the wait… the part from Alfred's point of view was really depressing to write since I was using my own memories of betrayal to do it. It messed me up so much I dreamt I cheated on my girlfriend! I would rather die so that really did a number on me…**

**Oh well, got blessed solitude tonight since my first roommate went to a new job and my second bolted after half a day. So that means music, painting, writing and vodka!**

**Enjoy~**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_There's a fossil that's trapped in high cliff wall_

_There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall_

_There's a blue whale beached by the spring tide's ebb_

_There's a butterfly caught in a spider's web_

_I've stood here before, inside the pouring rain_

_With the world turning circles, running round my brain_

_I'm always hoping that you'd end this reign_

_But it's my destiny to be the king of pain_

_King of Pain- Alanis Morissette_

"Hey, you reached Alfred! Leave a message after the beep dude!"

Arthur sighed softly, pressing the button to hang up. What use would one more message be when he'd already left several?

"I'm sorry"

"Please talk to me?"

"I didn't mean- please just pick up?"

He didn't react as Francis wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"He would have found out eventually cher…"he murmured. He didn't like the situation any more than Arthur did but he hated seeing him so distraught.

"He shouldn't have found out like that…"

The Frenchman sighed. "He'll be back. You can talk to him about it then… I probably shouldn't be here when he gets back…" he murmured. Arthur immediately turned to face him; his eyes were filled with indecision.

"I don't want you to leave…" he said softly. They sat in silence for a moment before Francis nodded, resting his forehead against the smaller blonde's.

"Then I won't. Promise."

.o.)O(.o.

Alfred wasn't sure of where he was going, he had no immediate plan in mind. He kept hearing his phone ring and every time the tune ended he had to bite back sobs. Every word, every cut off song was like a blunt knife piercing his body.

The betrayal stung and made his very insides twist painfully. His heart felt like it was shattering in his chest.

He was forced to pull over as his phone rang again; his vision was blurring with tears and making driving dangerous.

Not that he cared if he got into an accident. Anything would be better than this agony of knowing that the person he'd trusted had taken his heart and crushed it.

But he didn't want anyone else to get hurt. He'd been present at too many accidents. Seen too many orphaned children and flame scorched victims.

It was bad enough picking up the pieces let alone causing such devastation.

So why had Arthur betrayed him like that?

Why had he completely destroyed his trust in him?

Did his love mean nothing to him?

Was it just a game to him?

How could he have ever trusted him like that?

He suddenly felt unbearably lonely. All he wanted was to curl up next to someone and be told everything was alright. Normally that someone would be Arthur…

Alfred let out a slight strangled sob at the reminder, trying futilely to dry his eyes. He suddenly knew where he had to go. The one person who had never betrayed him like Arthur had. The one person who felt sad when he was crying and smiled when he laughed.

Arthur had always told him to stop being childish…

Arthur had always told him to stop being a baby.

His cheeks were tearstained as he drove away from the small house he shared with the British man, focussed on only one thought.

_I want my brother…_

.o.)O(.o.

Matthew shivered as Gilbert started nuzzling his neck, biting back a moan. He knew what the other wanted but he liked foreplay too much to let the albino get his way too quickly.

"Bitte Mattie?" the Prussian purred, his breath hot against the Canadian's bare skin. Matthew practically melted at the soft words, tilting his head back to expose more of his throat.

Gilbert smirked in triumph, kissing the exposed flesh as his hand went for the blonde's shirt.

At first neither of them heard the doorbell, too caught up in each other. Neither of them could ignore the drawn out sound of the button being held down though, both frowning and letting out frustrated groans.

Gilbert rolled off of the Canadian, grumbling softly. "If that's your brother…"

Matthew just shushed him, getting up with a slight blush. "I'll be right back eh?" he mumbled, heading off to answer the door.

Gilbert remained where he was, listening to the fading footsteps. He closed his eyes to better focus his hearing.

"Al?"

The albino groaned softly, getting up with a frown. "Alfred? Do you have to be such a cock blo-" he paused at the sight of the brothers.

Alfred was practically bawling into a rather concerned looking Matthew's shoulder. Gilbert had never seen the American looking so heartbroken and devastated. The blonde couldn't even get words out past his sobs.

"…um… maybe I should just go?" the Prussian asked uncertainly. He felt like he was intruding.

Matthew nodded hesitantly, still looking confused. He needed to have a deep heart to heart with his brother.

…once he'd calmed him down a bit.

.o.)O(.o.

"Why? …why would he do that to me?" Alfred hiccoughed, sipping at the hot coffee his brother had given him after a cup of tea had sent him into heart wrenching sobs.

Matthew remained silent for a moment, soothingly rubbing the other's back. "I don't know. He was stupid. You deserve better than that." He mumbled. He frowned when the doorbell went off again, it couldn't be Gilbert, he had his own key. "Wait here…"

"Sorry… this isn't a good-" he froze as he opened the door, eyes hardening as he took in the sheepish British man on his doorstep. "What are you doing here?"

Arthur merely looked apologetic. "I'm sorry… I just need to speak to him. Please?" he asked doing his best to push past the Canadian.

"He's not here." Matthew lied, biting back a yelp as the brit managed to shove past him.

Alfred had to fight back a fresh round of tears as Arthur burst into the room. He didn't want the other to see what his actions had done to him.

"Al! I'm so sorry!"

"I don't want to hear it Arthur…" Alfred sniffled. "I just want to know why… why wasn't I good enough for you?"

Arthur looked away guiltily. "You were never there… you were always off being someone else's hero. Never mine! I needed you… and you were off doing the same thing I was." He said bitterly. Alfred's eyes grew wide.

"You… you thought… I was cheating on you." He mumbled, his eyes hardening when the smaller blonde nodded. "You honestly thought I'd betray you like that?"

"Don't deny it!"

"Maybe I did spend a lot of time away from home but I'd never cheat on you!" Alfred shouted angrily. Arthur couldn't speak; past all the rage he could see the ocean of pure hurt. "Do you not get it? I was loyal! I loved you! I didn't want you to have to deal with the fact that every time I lost someone I'd be a wreck. I thought you deserved better! And how do you repay me?"

"…Al… I'm-"

"No. I don't want to hear about how sorry you are! Just get out!"

Arthur couldn't do anything but obey. The words and accusations were ringing through his mind but all he could focus on as he heard the heart breaking cries and comforting words of the Canadian behind him was one thing.

Alfred had been loyal. Arthur had been the one to betray him…

_There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack_

_There's a black wing gull with a broken back_

_There's a little black spot on the sun today_

_It's the same old thing as yesterday_

_I've stood here before, inside the pouring rain_

_With the world turning circles, running round my vein_

_I'm always hoping that you'd end this reign_

_But it's my destiny to be the king of pain_

_King of Pain- Alanis Morissette_

**A/N2: oh something I should have mentioned last chapter. Lilly is Liechtenstein.**

**Review replies:**

**Keiron: glad you liked it, hope you enjoyed the update! Thanks for the review :)**

**Guest: sorry, it was for the plot… Feli will be back in the next chapter! Thanks for the review!**

**Till next time! Time to go cook up Australia's national animal, kangaroo for supper! Woot!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ja, I know I took forever. Work got in the way. We've had several shows lately and I actually had to start work yesterday at 3am. And let me say that waking up at two doesn't agree with me…**

**I've also been socializing with my two (now one since the Irish girl left in favour of an indoor job out of the Australian heat) new roommates who I actually get on quite well with. But hopefully this makes up for my disappearance…**

**Hetalia isn't mine.**

_Waiting for the end to come_

_Wishing I had strength to stand_

_This is not what I had planned_

_It's out of my control_

_Flying at the speed of light_

_Thoughts were spinning in my head_

_So many things were left unsaid_

_It's hard to let you go_

_I know what it takes to move on_

_I know how it feels to lie_

_All I want to do is trade this life for something new_

_Holding on to what I haven't got_

_Waiting for the end- Linkin Park_

"it's not that I'm jealous or anything… I just hate feeling like an intruder in my own home. He's always there! I can't spend any time alone with Mattie without him pouting and looking like a kicked puppy." Gilbert tried to explain as he took a sip of beer. His brother just frowned, not sure what to say.

He took a sip of his own beer to ponder before finally replying. "Have you spoken to Matthew about it?"

"I'm not going to ask him to kick his heart broken brother to the curb… I just wish he'd move on already… it's been three weeks and he still starts crying at the sight of a tea bag."

"have you suggested he go see a therapist? Maybe it would help him let go of Arthur."

Gilbert just gave a derisive snort, draining his beer before calling for another. "Ja that would be a good conversation. Telling my future brother in law that he needs to see a shrink? No thanks."

The younger German rolled his eyes, fiddling absentmindedly with his empty glass as they waited for their refills.

The bar was slowly starting to fill for the evening, so it took a while for them to arrive. The albino immediately started complaining about the wait as the beverages were put down in front of them. The bartender just gave a soft apology and explanation, not rising to the German's challenging tone.

"just let it go bruder…" Ludwig warned, not wanting Gilbert to get into a fight after just an hour in the bar.

The elder grumbled slightly but dropped it, turning to his beer with a glare as he muttered about lazy staff.

Ludwig sighed, turning the conversation to less frustrating topics. He wanted to get through the night without any violence.

.o.)O(.o.

Alfred sighed as he walked around the town. Matthew had grown frustrated with his brother's constant moping around the house and politely suggested he go for a walk or something to get some fresh air.

The evening air was cool on his skin but the American barely felt it, too wrapped up in his own thoughts. He'd never been good at change…

He wandered aimlessly, wondering how long he'd have to be gone for before Matthew considered him to have had enough fresh air. He didn't even bother stopping at the McDonalds he strolled past, for once not hungry.

"Alfred-san? Is that you?" at first the American didn't turn, not registering his name being called for a moment. He turned as his name was called again, frowning when he saw a small Asian man coming towards him. His stoic face seemed familiar but it took a while for him to remember the man.

"Kiku?"

"hai, it's been a while hasn't it? I wasn't expecting to see you."

Alfred nodded, trying to ignore the fact that he'd met Kiku through Arthur. The Japanese man had either hung out with them or Ludwig and Feliciano when his two friends Sadiq and Heracles had gotten too much.

"Yeah, it has been. How've you been?" he asked politely.

"I've been good thank you. And yourself?"

Alfred winced at the question. "fine I guess…" he lied, not wanting to put his burdens on the smaller man's shoulders. Kiku saw straight through the lie though.

"what happened?"

"just a… bad break up…" the American forced out. "…Arthur cheated on me."

Kiku looked sympathetic, hesitantly touching his shoulder. "do you maybe want to go get a coffee?" he offered as a distraction.

Alfred nodded, looking relieved that he wasn't questioned further. "Yeah, that would be nice… Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" he asked curiously. The topic was painful but he'd grown out of touch with his high school friend and wanted to know what he'd missed.

"Heracles and I dated for a bit… but turns out him and Sadiq were using my friendship to make the other jealous. They got together at the end of last year." He said simply. Alfred could hear the faint hurt in his voice, it wasn't as apparent as the pain in his own tone but still there. It had probably been as strong as his own at the start.

_I guess it does fade with time…_

.o.)O(.o.

The empty bottles were beginning to pile up between the two German brothers as they sat in companionable silence. They'd always been like this. They'd talk and drink for a bit but the talk would soon fade as they just enjoyed the other's company.

It probably would have continued like that had it not been for the stranger who bumped Gilbert's chair and caused the albino to spill half his drink over his lap. The elder German would have brushed it off with a joke had he been sober.

But he wasn't.

His eyes flashed dangerously as he turned to the man.

"Hey! Aren't you going to fucking apologise?" he shouted, making the man turn to face him.

"what for?"

"you spilled my drink!"

The man just shrugged. "not my problem." He turned to leave only to have to duck as Gilbert came after him with a punch.

"I said apologise!"

"what the fuck's your problem freak?" he growled angrily. The insult only made Gilbert angrier, adding petrol to the flames. He was beyond words now just lashing out with the intent of beating the man to a pulp.

There was just one problem with the plan. The man he was facing was twice his size and unwilling to be taken out without a fight.

Ludwig winced as he saw Gilbert barely dodge an uppercut to his jaw, the younger got unsteadily to his feet with the intent of stopping his brother before he got himself killed or arrested.

"bruder, enough!" he growled as he tried to get between them. "stop thi-" he was cut off by blinding pain as a stray blow connected with his head at full force, making his vision go white for a split second before it faded to darkness.

_Sitting in an empty room_

_Trying to forget the past_

_This was never meant to last_

_I wish it wasn't so_

_I know what it takes to move on_

_I know how it feels to lie_

_All I want to do is trade this life for something new_

_Holding on to what I haven't got_

_What was life when the fire was gone?_

_I thought it felt right but that right was wrong_

_All caught up in the eye of the storm_

_I try to figure out what it's like moving on_

_I don't even know the kind of things I said_

_My mouth kept moving but my mind went dead_

_So picking up the pieces, don't know where to begin_

_The hardest part of ending is starting again_

**A/N2: yep, another cliffie!**

**Review replies: **

**Keiron: ja, I did too… at least he's starting to feel hopeful again! Thanks for the review!**

**Ribbon Revolution: I don't know, I think cookies can solve a lot! Especially yummy and chewy chocolate chip cookies with a cold glass of milk! That dialogue was epic by the way! And yes, you can eat kangaroo, tastes pretty good too! Thanks for the review! And I hope I survive my work as well, I rather like my limbs as they are…**

**Hetalia luver: ja, he can be. I quite like Arthur but I had to have him like this for the plot QQ sorry Iggy… thanks for the review!**

**Guest: I'm glad you liked it! I'll work at fixing everyone's lives… eventually. I still have a few aces up my sleeves. Thanks for the review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: sorry for taking so long… I just finished my job because my previously dislocated knee was giving me trouble along with my back so I decided to quit before I collapsed and completely destroyed my body.**

**So that was several days of packing and a four hour train ride home.**

**And I've been painting up a storm since I've found a market to sell my art at in November and several competitions so updates will still be slow, especially in November as I'm doing Nanowrimo.**

**I'll do my best okay?**

**Hetalia doesn't belong to me.**

_Feels like the weight of the world_

_Like god and heaven gave me doom_

_Don't cling to me I swear I can't fix you_

_Safe in the dark but can you see?_

_Free fall_

_Free fall_

_All through the night_

_If you love me_

_Then let go of me_

_I won't be held down_

_By who I used to be_

_She's nothing to me_

_Weight of the world- evanescence_

Ludwig winced as the bandages were placed against the side of his head. Even with the pain killers his scalp felt tender around the few stitches he'd received. He vaguely paid attention to the instructions he was given, take a pill every five to six hours; don't sleep for the next twenty four hours. It was weird to be given the instructions he usually had to give out to his own patients.

He nodded though, biting back a hiss of pain at the movement. It made him feel dizzy and panicked his brother and boyfriend who were beside him.

"SchieBe West… I'm sorry!" Gilbert apologised sheepishly. He'd sobered up massively whilst trying to get his unconscious younger brother to wake up and waiting for him to be treated.

"Ve! Luddy, are you okay?" Feliciano fretted. He'd been called after a slightly confused and disorientated Ludwig had been admitted to the hospital.

"Ja, just dizzy… it's normal…" he mumbled, fighting off the urge to shrug off the hands that reached out to help him up. It was either accept them or end up on the floor again and he'd spent enough time on it for one evening. He sighed when he heard the Italian's terrified comments on how the blonde was going to die. "I'm fine Feli… just a concussion."

His words did nothing to soothe the brunette, succeeding in only panicking him further. Ludwig gave a resigned sigh before explaining yet again that he'd be fine. He glared at his brother half-heartedly once Feliciano quietened.

"I blame you for this you know…" he grumbled as he was helped into the car.

Gilbert avoided his gaze guiltily. "Ja, I know…" he mumbled. His apologetic tone made Ludwig sigh again, he couldn't remain angry with him when the albino sounded so downcast.

The rest of the car ride back to the small house Ludwig and Feliciano shared was silent, everyone wrapped up in their own thoughts. Even their goodbyes were sombre as they arrived, short 'see you later's and quiet apologies.

Feliciano's eyes were touched with worry as he watched Ludwig collapse into a chair. His eyes were closed as he rubbed his temples in an attempt to ease some of the discomfort from his concussion.

"I told you, I'm fine Feli…" he mumbled as the Italian opened his mouth to comment. He cracked an eye open as the brunette sat beside him.

"Are you sure?" he murmured, lightly touching the German's arm in concern.

Ludwig nodded, giving a weary smile. "Ja Feli, I'm sure."

Feliciano breathed a sigh of relief, kissing his jaw tenderly. "Do you want anything?" he asked softly.

The blonde shook his head. "Nein, its fine…" he glanced at the time with a frown. "You should go to bed, it's late…" he murmured.

"But then you'd be all alone."

"You have work in the morning Feli, I'll be fine. I promise."

Feliciano looked like he was going to protest further for a moment before he sighed, shoulders slumping. "Ve~ promise?"

Ludwig nodded, "Ja, I'll just read or something. You go to sleep." He lightly brushed his fingers against the dark circles that had formed under his lover's amber eyes. "You look like you need it." He murmured sadly. He knew that it was his own nightmares that were keeping the Italian from the sleep he needed.

.o.)O(.o.

"So Ludwig's okay then?" Matthew asked softly when he heard the door open. He was lounging casually against the couch as he played some sort of racing game on the x-box Gilbert had bought on a whim.

Alfred laughed softly as his own car shot past the distracted Canadian's before realising the source of his distraction. He sighed and paused the game before Matthew could complain about him cheating.

"Ja, just a concussion thank god…" Gilbert explained as he dropped onto a spare seat.

"It's not your fault Gil…" Matthew murmured softly. The albino just gave a bitter chuckle.

"Bullshit. If I hadn't of been such an idiot and tried to pick a fight than Ludwig wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"Maybe you should see someone then?" Alfred offered, not realising that his brother and soon to be brother-in-law would have appreciated being alone.

"I don't need a shrink."

"Not a shrink dude, anger management classes. The guy my job forces me to see every so often offer them."

Gilbert gave a derisive snort, looking ready to argue before Matthew spoke up. "Maybe you should Gil…" he mumbled.

"I told you I don't need a damn shrink!" he shouted.

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yeah, cause you're so using an inside voice right now…"

Gilbert glared at him venomously. "And if I refuse?"

"Then enjoy sleeping on the couch." Matthew said simply. The fact that he'd spoken up was enough to shock Gilbert into silence for a moment.

"C'mon birdie… please?"

"Not until you agree eh."

There was a lot of inaudible grumbling before the albino sighed and unhappily agreed. His put out expression made Alfred chuckle.

"Dude, my brother's got you so whipped!"

"Am I allowed to kill this idiot before I start?"

"Do you want to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life?"

Gilbert sighed, muttering under his breath about 'unawesome, passive-aggressive Canadians and their pain in the ass brothers'.

.o.)O(.o.

It took a few days for Feliciano to decide what to do about Lily. The moment he stepped foot in the classroom and saw the young girl with a barely faded bruise across her cheekbones he knew he couldn't leave the issue.

He waited for the end of the lesson before calling her over.

"Ve? Lily, are you okay?" he asked softly, eyes on the purple and brown bruising. Lily glanced away nervously.

"J-ja, Mister Vargas… I just misbehaved…" she mumbled.

Feliciano frowned; this was the first time the girl had admitted to it being someone else hurting her.

"What did you do?"

"I was too noisy, I shouldn't have disturbed my daddy…" the Italian's frown deepened.

"Your father did this to you?"

"Ja, but I deserved it… you won't tell him I told you will you? He told me not to tell anyone."

"You don't deserve this Lily… is there another relative or someone who can look after you? You need to tell the police…"

"T-there's my uncle… but Daddy doesn't like him so I haven't seen him in years… I-I don't know what his number is…o-or where he is…" tears were pricking the girl's eyes.

"Ve, don't worry, just tell me his name and the police will find him. We'll speak to them together si?"

"v-Vash Zwingli, d-do you promise?" she asked, hiccoughing slightly as she held back nervous sobs.

"Si, I promise."

_Feels like the weight of the world_

_Like all my screaming's gone unheard_

_And though you don't believe in me_

_Safe in the dark but can you see?_

_Free fall_

_Free fall_

_All through the night_

_If you love me_

_Then let go of me_

_I won't be held down_

_By who I used to be_

_She's nothing to me_

_Weight of the world- Evanescence_

**A/N2: and that's one loose end tied thank god… just a dozen more _**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon Revolution: ja, I know the feeling, I was always on fan fiction and rping on Facebook but I've stopped the one and doing the bare minimum on the other. I guess that's the price of growing up eh? Kiku won't be a big character since I'm using him to tie up Alfred's loose ends. How the hell did I come up with so many of them!? At least Alfred's are mainly sorted out… thanks for the review!**

**The Joker: ah laziness, gotta love it :) and yes you're right. It won't be a huge development since this is a GerIta story after all but it'll be in the background. I HATE loose ends… I've made so many of them… thanks for the review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: yay, next chapter! I need to get as many of these things out as possible before November since I won't be able to update then because of Nanowrimo. Anyone else doing it this year feel free to add me as a writing buddy :) I'm 'RedWolf' on there.**

**Hetalia isn't mine! Oh and thanks to those who visited (stalked) me on Deviant Art! Much appreciated!**

_I don't know how else to put this_

_It's taken me so long to do this_

_Falling asleep and I can't see straight_

_My muscles feel like medley_

_My bodies curled in a u shape_

_I put on my best but I'm still afraid_

_Propped up by your lies and promises_

_Saving my place as life forgets_

_Maybe it's time I saw the world_

_I'm only here for a while_

_Patience is not my style_

_And I'm so tired that I got to go_

_Where am I supposed to hide now?_

_What am I supposed to do?_

_Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?_

_Tell me I should stick around for you_

_Tell me I could have it all_

_I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go _

_Zzyzx rd. - Stonesour_

"So it was all sorted out then?"

Feliciano nodded, sitting down next to Ludwig as he sipped at his coffee. He'd offered some to the German but he'd merely shook his head tiredly. The long night had taken its toll on the blonde.

"Si, her uncle came to pick her up and her father was arrested. He's in jail awaiting trial now." The Italian explained. "Her uncle was furious…"

"That's good. You did a good thing Feli." Ludwig yawned. He felt a twinge of guilt as he remembered how he'd sorted out the last problem similar to this…

Feliciano shrugged, dropping the subject. "Ve… you look tired…" he noted.

The German chuckled. "I feel tired." He admitted softly.

The brunette smiled, pecking his lips tenderly. "Then why don't you go to sleep silly?"

"It's not even six yet though…" Ludwig protested, his argument punctuated with another yawn.

Feliciano rolled his eyes, giving the larger man's shoulder a shove. "Bed, now~" he ordered playfully.

The German sighed, too tired to protest further. "ja boss… fine…"

.o.)O(.o.

Feliciano smiled as he came upstairs a few hours later to find the German fast asleep. Ludwig had passed out the minute he'd hit the mattress, not even bothering with the sheets. The Italian was surprised by how peaceful the blonde looked. It had been a while since he'd seen that calm look on his face.

He tenderly kissed Ludwig's cheek before pulling the sheets over him, smiling when the German shifted slightly in his sleep but didn't wake up.

He was glad he was finally getting a good night's sleep.

.o.)O(.o.

"I'm telling you this is stupid…" Gilbert pouted as the psychologist's came into view. "I don't need anger management... I'm perfectly calm!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "I'll believe that when you stop getting into fights every other day…" he sighed, expression softening slightly. "I just worry about you Gil."

"I'm awesome remember? You don't need to worry about me…" the albino reassured. "And if this really means that much to you, fine… but you better not drive away while I'm gone!"

"Would I really do that to you?"

"Ja, and you have before so don't deny it…"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "That was one time and you deserved it."

"You made me walk three miles in the rain to get home!"

"You were being an ass. Now stop procrastinating and get going eh?"

Gilbert returned to pouting as he relented and undid his seatbelt. "I'm telling you this is a waste of time…"

"Just stop complaining eh?"

.o.)O(.o.

"My name's Gilbert and I don't have an anger management problem." Gilbert growled when it was his turn to introduce himself.

The therapist leading the group therapy raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why are you here then?"

"Because I have a passive aggressive boyfriend who disagrees. My brother got knocked out the other day and Mattie insisted I come here."

"How'd your brother get knocked out?"

"He tried to stop me from teaching an asshole a lesson. But like I said I don't have an anger management problem." Gilbert ignored the fact that several people rolled their eyes at his statement.

The therapist just sighed and moved onto the next person. He suspected that Gilbert would present a challenge. Once the introductions were out the way he spoke up again. "I'd like you all to tell everyone what it is that makes you mad, yes Gilbert I know you say you don't have a problem but just bear with me okay?"

Gilbert fell back into a pout, grumbling for a bit before speaking again. "Fine I get mad when people get too close to my boyfriend. He's had enough of a rough time as is so I protect him from the assholes out there."

"Can't Matthew defend himself?"

"He plays hockey so yeah he could. But he's too trusting! I don't want him to get hurt."

"I'm sure Matthew feels the same. What if you pick a fight with someone who's stronger than you? Or get arrested for assault?"

Gilbert opened his mouth to protest before shutting it. He was unsure of what to say.

The therapist just smiled. "Exactly."

.o.)O(.o.

"Feeling better?" Feliciano asked softly as Ludwig grabbed a cup of coffee and joined him at the table. He had a bowl of cereal in front of him that he was gulping down. He was running a little late this morning.

"Ja danke should be able to go back to work tomorrow." The German replied as he sipped his coffee. He was glad that he could do so; he'd never been one for sitting around at home.

Feliciano nodded, finishing his breakfast as quickly as possible before racing around the room to gather his things that had grown somewhat scattered in the few hours since the previous day. Ludwig chuckled before noticing that the Italian was grabbing the car keys.

"Feliciano?"

The brunette looked up from his things with a cocked head. "Si?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he hinted.

Feliciano looked thoughtful for a moment before looking horrified. "Right!" he raced over to give Ludwig a kiss. "I'll see you later Luddy! Have a nice day~"

"Danke… but I meant your pants…"

.o.)O(.o.

"You forgot your pants?" Lovino murmured slowly. His tone was full of disbelief.

"Almost, Luddy reminded me."

"You're a fucking idiot fratello."

Lovino had decided to surprise his brother by meeting him after his work was done so the pair could get coffee together but he was beginning to regret his decision.

"Ve~ but Lovi, you've done the same thing before! When Antonio stayed over remember?"

The elder twin blushed at the memory, giving his brother a slight cuff to the head. "I told you never to speak of that!"

"Mi dispiace fratello~ it's nice seeing you though, you're always so busy now…" Feliciano pouted.

Lovino shrugged guiltily. "What can I say; work's busy at the moment. Not to mention that the tomato bastard is like a fucking puppy when it comes to wanting attention…"

"You shouldn't work so hard Lovi; it's not good for you. Can't you ask the restaurant for time off?"

"They need me at the moment Feli. It should calm down soon anyway." Lovino promised. It was true as well, the moment he caught the fucking mole that was passing information to cops he'd be able to take some time off.

Till then he'd just have to lie.

.o.)O(.o.

"Can't even last a day can you?" Lars smirked as Ludwig downed another beer. The German had intended to only have one to cope with his boredom but one had turned to a few.

"Shut up. You don't exist." Ludwig growled.

"Oh? So you admit you're going crazy?"

"I'm not going crazy either."

"No and I didn't rape your precious Feliciano and you didn't kill me."

"I said Shut up!" Ludwig growled, fist lashing out towards the hallucination. His eyes widened as the smirking pale grin eyes shifted into shocked and hurt amber. A reddening mark was appearing on Feliciano's cheek as he backed away fearfully, eventually bolting.

"Feliciano…"

_I'm over existing in limbo_

_I'm over the myths and placebos_

_I don't really mind if I just fade away_

_I'm ready to live with my family_

_I'm ready to die in obscurity_

_Because I'm so tired that I gotta go_

_Oh where am I supposed to hide now?_

_What am I supposed to do?_

_You still don't think I'm gonna see this through_

_Tell me I'm a part of history_

_Tell me I could have it all_

_I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go_

_Zzyzx rd. - Stonesour_

**A/N2: um… yeah… I meant to make it a fluffy chapter but that last bit kinda snuck in… um… Sorry? At least Lovi showed up again right? That counts for something doesn't it?**

…

**Ek's jammer! Don't kill meeeeeeee!**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon revolution: ja, gilbert's as whipped as they come :) yep, Lilly's been saved woot! And Vash may or may not shoot her father :) ja, I'm also glad I left. I'll probably need to get my knee checked out at some point but at least I'm alive! Thanks for wishing me luck, I'm just glad I have time to paint and draw! Thanks for the review!**

**The Joker: ja, I'm sure that Gil is glad that Alfred might be able to move out of his and Mattie's place as well :) at least Lilly's safe now :) hehe, quite possibly :) hope you enjoyed the update! Thanks for the review! **

***runs for safety***


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: what's this? An update? So soon? No I don't feel guilty… or have anything overtly evil planned…**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

_Living easy_

_Living free_

_Season ticket on a one way ride_

_Asking nothing_

_Leave me be_

_Taking everything in my stride_

_Don't need reason_

_Don't need rhyme_

_Ain't nothing I would rather do_

_Going down, party time_

_And all my friends are gonna be there too_

_I'm on the highway to hell_

_Highway to hell- ACDC_

"Are we running a home for siblings with relationship problems or something?" Gilbert asked sarcastically as he opened the door to let his brother in.

"I don't want to talk about it Gil." Ludwig mumbled. He'd been too ashamed to stay at the house he shared with Feliciano after what had happened, staying only long enough to realise that the Italian wasn't going to open the door to their bedroom before he left.

"Seriously bru. What the hell happened? You guys never fight."

"I said drop it…" Gilbert sighed at the miserable tone in his younger brother's voice but decided not to argue further.

"I hope you're okay with the couch… the spare bed's kind of taken."

Ludwig gave a non-committal grunt, just collapsing on the couch to wallow in self-loathing as the albino raised an eyebrow. His brother had been in foul moods before but not answering his questions with actual words was a new one.

"I'm going to the store to get a few things. Do you need anything?" he asked awkwardly.

All he got was another grunt which he took to mean 'no, can I die in peace now?'.

He rolled his eyes, biting back the urge to comment. He didn't want it to look like he didn't care about his brother after all. He was honestly worried about him.

And if Ludwig didn't want to talk about it maybe he'd just have to find someone who would.

.o.)O(.o.

Lovino cursed softly as he leaned heavily against the wall of the alley, his hand pressing down on his shoulder to try and stem the blood flow.

Of course it had been a set up.

He'd finally traced the mole but the second he'd fired a bullet into the traitor's skull the bastards had opened fire. He'd been lucky to get away with nothing more than a shoulder wound.

His shirt was soaked with blood, the material clinging wetly to his skin. He didn't think running in an attempt to escape the cops had helped.

The sound of footsteps behind him made him spin around, gun at the ready. He winced as raising the gun made the bullet lodged in his shoulder shift, unintentionally losing his grip on the gun as he struggled to remain upright.

Maybe he'd lost more blood than he'd thought, he realised as his vision went blurry. He vaguely registered someone shouting an order at him before the ground rushed up to meet him.

Yeah, definitely a lot more blood than he'd thought…

.o.)O(.o.

Gilbert was frowning as he knocked on the door, hoping Feliciano would answer. It only took a few minutes before the door was flung out the way.

"Lud- oh it's you Gil…" the Italian's wide and nervous eyes took on a disappointed light as he sighed. Gilbert raised an eyebrow; he'd assumed Feliciano had kicked Ludwig out considering how depressed he seemed.

His eyes narrowed as he saw the violet and mauve patterning across the brunettes jaw. The albino reached out and lightly traced the bruise, not noticing the Italian flinching.

"Who did this to you?" he asked his voice deceptively calm and quiet.

"No-one. Ve… I tripped." Feliciano replied defensively even as his wide eyes gave away his anxiety.

"Don't lie Feli. I know you didn't get this by tripping."

"Ve… I swear, I tripped!"

Gilbert gaze was piercing as he tried yet again to get the truth but yet again was left cursing as the Italian sputtered out half formed lies about tripping over a cat.

"I'm going to talk about this with West Feli. Trust me on that." He growled, giving up on his previous approach.

He didn't notice the fractional widening of already wide eyes at his words.

.o.)O(.o.

"Did you know about that? Who the fuck hit him?" Gilbert growled as he paced the room in front of his brother.

"ja… I did…" Ludwig replied guilty, his voice almost inaudible.

"And? Who was it? I'm going to kick his ass since you're too scared to!"

Ludwig just mumbled in response, eyes downcast.

Gilbert's own eyes flashed in response. "Damn it bruder, speak up! He's practically a brother to me ever since you guys started dating! I'm not going to sit back and let someone use him as a punching bag!"

"It was me alright!" Ludwig snapped defensively. He still wouldn't meet Gilbert's eyes.

"…what?"

"…I did it. I didn't mean to! I thought he was Lars."

"Ludwig, Lars is dead, remember?"

"I know. I was drinking okay? He's just in here…" the younger German murmured, tapping his head. "…I think I might have a problem…"

"Luddy-" he was interrupted by his younger brother's phone ringing. The shrill tune was too cheerful to appear to fit in with the strained tension in the room. "Please ignore that bru…"

Ludwig shook his head with a sigh. "I can't. It's the hospital, they might need me."

.o.)O(.o.

"No… Feli-" Ludwig paused as he finally got a good glimpse of the pale individual being wheeled into the hospital. The hair curl was familiar but grew to the wrong side not to mention that it was a darker shade than Feliciano's auburn locks.

At his words, Lovino cracked an eye open with a groan. "I better be fucking hallucinating…" he grumbled, weakly glaring at the German. A bag of blood was attached to his arm with an IV but his shoulder was still oozing blood.

"How'd this happen?" the German asked softly, lifting up the sodden bandaging to examine the wound. "Is this a gunshot wound?"

"Si dipshit… now how about you do your job before I bleed to death?"

Ludwig nodded trying to calm his thoughts enough to remember the genera procedure for such wounds.

"Good. And I better not fucking die or I'm going to kick your ass…" Lovino managed to growl out before passing out again.

.o.)O(.o.

Lovino bit back a groan as he slowly woke up again. His vision was still a bit blurry as he tried to get past the last bit of grogginess from the anaesthesia. He lightly touched his shoulder only to find stiff white bandages.

"Damn… so it wasn't a dream…"

He bit his lip as he tried to move his arm to assess the extent of the injury. His eyes widened slightly as he was held back by the bite of hard steel on his wrist. The handcuffs keeping him in the bed were pulled taut as he stared at them in horror.

His sense of fear and shock was only intensified when a uniformed man walked into his room with a nurse. The man nodded, "I see you're finally awake Lovino, or should I call you Romano?"

_No stop signs_

_Speed limits_

_Nobody's gonna slow me down_

_Like a wheel_

_Gonna spin it_

_Nobody's gonna mess me around_

_Hey Satan_

_Paid my dues_

_Playing in a rocking band_

_Hey mama_

_Look at me_

_I'm on the way to the Promised Land_

_I'm on the highway to hell_

_Highway to hell- ACDC_

**A/N2: okay, so I lied… and Romano is the name Lovino goes by in the Mafia by the way. Can't remember if that's been mentioned before.**

**And if you're busy thinking that this can't get any worse… well I still have an ace or three up my sleeve.**

**Please review!**

**And the almost errors my laptop insisted were correct:**

**Gilbert: "don't lay feli!"**

**And**

**Lovino: "I better am fucking hallucinating…"**

***hits laptop over the head* idiotic piece of machinery… that's what I get for having it set on south African English, it starts talking like it's from the heart of khayelitcha…**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: okay… last update for now until the end of November since I'm doing Nanowrimo. So be glad I didn't use any cliffies this time! I so badly wanted to…**

**Oh well enjoy and I'll see you guys after Nano!**

**Hetalia isn't mine.**

_I'm coming home_

_Im coming home_

_Tell the world I'm coming home_

_Let the rain wash away_

_All the pain of yesterday_

_I Know my kingdom awaits_

_and they've forgiven my mistakes_

_Im coming home_

_I'm coming home_

_Tell the world I'm coming home_

_Coming home- Diddy_

"I want to make a phone call damn it!" Lovino snapped angrily.

The policeman just shook his head. "and how do I know that you're not just going to organise a breakout?"

The Italian shook the wrist that was handcuffed to the bed, the links rattling and clinking cheerfully. "yes, because I'm really going to get far with this thing on."

The other man frowned at the sarcasm but didn't comment.

Lovino sighed. "and in case you've forgotten, I've got a damn bullet wound. I just want to talk to my… ugh… boyfriend…" he admitted with a blush. It only darkened when the cop snorted in amusement.

"fine ten minutes, but I'll be standing right here if you try anything funny."

"damn tomato bastard wouldn't know where to start…" he grumbled, accepting the mobile phone less than gracefully.

He tapped his fingers against the bed irately as he waited for the call to be picked up and had to admit that Ludwig had done a fairly good job on his shoulder… beside the occasional painful throb it barely bothered him…

"hola?" a too cheerful, if a bit confused, voice answered. Lovino frowned, picking up on a bit of the underlying worry most people would have missed.

"Hey toma- I mean Antonio. It's me."

"Lovi? Thank god! I was so worried when you didn't come home last night! I thought one of your jobs went wrong!"

"yeah… I kind of ended up in the hospital… wait. What do you mean 'jobs'?"

There was silence from the other line for a moment. "you're in the hospital? Where are you? What happened?" Antonio barked, the worry was no longer hidden beneath a cheerful tone.

"…I kind of got shot."

"damn it… I knew this would happen! I knew I should have spoken to you about it!"

"…what do you mean?"

"that damn mafia business!"

"you knew? All this time you fucking knew?"

"Lovino, I've known for years. Now where are you?"

The Italian mumbled the hospital's name quietly before he had to give the phone back. He stared blankly across the room, mind working overtime to try and work out what he'd just learnt.

This whole time he'd hid what he was because he was scared of chasing everyone away. Because he was terrified Antonio would judge him.

And Antonio had known all along.

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig sighed as he mentally prepared himself to check on Lovino. He was expecting a whole pile of hateful comments and complaints…

"How are you feeling Lovino?" he asked warily, giving a courteous nod to the policeman who left the room to stand guard at the door. The last thing he was expecting was an almost polite reply.

"alright I guess…"

Ludwig blinked in surprise for a minute before going to check on his vitals.

"Does Feliciano know yet?" Lovino asked softly as his blood pressure was taken.

"Nein, do you want me to tell him?"

"Si, grazi."

Ludwig nodded, biting back his anxiety of confronting the younger Italian.

Lovino sighed, his eyes still blank. "damn it Ludwig… what am I going to do?" he murmured.

The german was too shocked by the use of his actual name to comment for a moment. "…I don't know." He eventually sighed.

"im his boyfriend! You have to let me see him!"

The shout made both of them look up, jumping as the door burst open despite the policeman's protests.

"Lovi? Are you okay?" Antonio asked frantically as he sat down beside the italian's bed.

Lovino blinked for a minute before he felt something trickling down his cheek. Before he knew what was happening he was full on sobbing for the first time in almost a decade. The mask he'd created that fateful day on a dark cliff-side fading with each shed tear. No more Romano, just Lovino.

"…I want to go home…"

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig stared at the familiar number on his phone for several long moments after leaving the room. He was trying to get over the fear of phoning Feliciano but it clung to him no matter what he tried. He sighed, closing his eyes as he pressed the dial button.

"ve? Ludwig?"

Ludwig sighed, working up the courage to speak. "Hi Feli… ja it's me. I'm sorry…" he murmured.

"I know… I forgive you." Feliciano sighed softly before speaking again. "where are you? I miss you…"

"I'm at the hospital… Lovino got arrested and shot… he's okay though." He reassured when he heard the sudden intake of breath.

"what happened?"

"the cops trapped him. I'm sorry Feli, but he was involved with the mafia…"

"…dio… I'll be right there!"

"I'm not sure they'll let you in…"

"I don't care, he's my fratello!"

.o.)O(.o.

Lovino sighed, glancing up at the policeman warily. "can we make a deal?"

"I don't make deals with scum like you, no matter how much money you offer me."

"not money. Names. I know the locations of most of the mafia members in this state and some of the heads of other states as well."

"you'd sell out your own people?"

"they're not mine. Not anymore. Romano's dead. He was killed when he was ambushed in that alley. I just want to go home and live my life…"

"how can we trust you on this?"

"you can keep tabs on me, bring the other's in first, I don't care okay? I just want out."

"I'll have to speak to my boss… how many names and locations can you offer us?"

"enough to make your career."

"_a house is not a home", I hate this song_

_Is a house really a home when your loved ones are gone_

_And niggas got the nerve to blame you for it_

_And you know you woulda took the bullet if you saw it_

_But you feel it and still feel it_

_And money can't make up for it or conceal it_

_But you deal with it and you keep ballin'_

_Pour out some liquor, play ball and we keep ballin'_

_Baby we've been living in sin 'cause we've been really in love_

_But we've been living as friends_

_So you've been a guest in your own home_

_It's time to make your house your home_

_Pick up your phone, come on_

_Coming home- Diddy_

**A/N2: sorry it was so short. I had to lop off the cliffie so that you guys wouldn't be left wondering "what the hell happens next!?" for a month.**

**Review replies!**

**Ribbon revolution: sorry, I was trying to ge as much in before Nanowrimo started as possible. Hope you managed to catch up on your sleep! Thanks for the review!**

**Guest: ja Lovi is, on both counts :) at least that's another loose end tied up! And ja, Femke (Belgium) will be back in next chapter. I'm not done with her yet :) thanks for the review!**

**Guest 2: yep, my plot twists are evil! Thanks for the review!**

**Bugzbunnybtch: gilbert is cute like that :) don't worry all loose ends will eventually be tied up! Thanks for the review.**

**SEE YOU ALL IN A MONTH! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: nope, you have not missed several days! I'm back from a successful Nanowrimo! Write a novel in thirty days? Try fourteen :)**

**Hope you didn't miss me too much! Now to finish this, polish off my Nano novel "dragonborne" in hopes of actually publishing it, sell my artwork at a market next weekend and write out a one-shot for Odisdera-kun since she was my 100****th**** reviewer.**

**Not too hectic :D**

**Hetalia isn't mine!**

**Edit: spellcheck! I forgot spellcheck, AGAIN! **

_Same old boy_

_Same sweet girl_

_Ten years down the road_

_He held her tight and kissed her lips_

_In front of the picture show_

_Stranger came and pulled a gun_

_Grabbed her by the arm_

_Said if you do what I tell you to_

_There won't be no harm_

_And Johnny said_

_Take my money_

_Take my wallet_

_Take my credit card_

_Here's the watch that my granddad gave me_

_Here's the key to my car_

_Go on mister give it a whirl_

_But please don't take the girl_

_Don't take the girl- Tim McGraw_

"have you got any more names to give us?" the officer asked, the sound of his pen scratching out the details of each lead the only other sound in the stark white room.

Lovino shook his head, fingers tapping at the bed sheets in his frustration at being literally bed bound. "No, those are it. Can we discuss my situation now?" he asked impatiently, biting back several curses in order to keep the conversation as polite as possible.

Antonio and Feliciano had been ordered out of the room during the interview much to Lovino's displeasure but his willingness to provide information seemed to make the officers more lenient. The last thing the Italian wanted was to find himself back in the same situation as before because of one ill-placed word.

The officer nodded, putting his notebook aside to stare at the brunette intently. "Of course. We won't be able to take any steps towards witness protection until we're sure that you've held up your end of the bargain. Once we're certain your word can be trusted we can start making moves to get you a new identity."

Lovino frowned. "New identity? I don't think that's necessary… no-one within the mafia knew my name." he explained. "I made sure of that."

"If that's the case then it might be possible to set you up in another state provided we can put out notices of your 'death'." He mused.

Lovino chuckled. "Shouldn't be too hard. You already shot me, and last time I checked the death sentence is still available in California if you want to go that route." He offered as the other nodded.

"And I take it you have no qualms with being monitored?" he asked.

"If it gets me out of this mess you could ask me to do the Macarena in my birthday suit and I'd agree!"

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig was nervous as he pulled Feliciano aside to speak with him but he couldn't hold back any longer. He knew that the Italian had said that he'd forgiven him but he needed to see him say the words.

He lightly touched the bruise on Feliciano's cheek, not missing the way he flinched at the contact. He hated that he'd hurt the smaller brunette. "I'm sorry. For everything." He murmured, not breaking eye contact.

"I know, I forgive you." Feliciano mumbled, amber eyes wide. Ludwig shook his head, ice blue eyes touched with sadness.

"You shouldn't. I'm a mess Feli, look at me. I need help…" The Italian did, a weary smile gracing his face.

"I am. I love you Ludwig, regardless of what happens and I know that you'll get help." He reassured softly as the German sighed.

"I shouldn't need help though. I was supposed to protect you."

"You can't spend all your time protecting me Ludwig; you need to take care of yourself as well." Feliciano insisted. He blinked and cocked his head as the German fixed him with a contemplative stare. "Ve? Luddy?"

"Marry me." The blonde murmured, not dropping his gaze. "I know my brother will think I'm stealing his thunder and that I'm not doing it correctly. I know I don't have a ring to give you but I want you. I want this. I want us to someday be sitting on a porch somewhere as a married couple, maybe even adopt a kid or two. So tell me Feli, will you marry me?"

Feliciano couldn't speak for several moments, opening his mouth soundlessly before nodding shakily. "s-si," he forced out before he managed to calm himself enough to start shouting the word repeatedly. He had an honest smile on his face as he flung his arms around Ludwig in a tight hug. "Si! Of course!"

Ludwig's face was split in the same smile as he kissed the Italian's gleeful face. Words failing him when it came to expressing how he felt.

.o.)O(.o.

Alfred groaned as his phone rang, wanting nothing more than to ignore the lyrics from Skillet's _Hero _that the cellular device was currently blurting out and go back to cuddling on the couch with Kiku, a bowl of popcorn and a horror movie that was most certainly NOT scaring him shitless.

He sighed softly as he realised that ignoring the call, especially when it could be work was hardly heroic when there was a possibility of lives at stake. It took him several moments to locate the phone, Kiku smiling as he paused the movie. Alfred may have hated horror movies with a passion but he was liable to throw a toddler inspired tantrum if he so much as missed a minute.

"Alfred Jones here." The American grumbled, mouthing a word of thanks to the Japanese man on the couch.

"Hey Jones, I know it's your day off and all but we've got a massive fire going on at 32 on twelfth and need all the help we can get."

Alfred groaned. He hated the massive fires. It was almost always a case of body recovery instead of a rescue mission. "I'll be there in fifteen." He growled before hanging up.

"Sorry Kiku, duty calls!" he explained before darting to the bedroom to change. His discarded clothes lay in a messy heap wherever he threw them as he rushed to get his uniform on. He could always pick them up later after all.

He gave Kiku a quick kiss on the cheek before darting out the door and into his car, tapping the address into his GPS before pulling into the street and driving as quickly as the law allowed him. He wanted to help in any way he could despite his earlier unwillingness to answer the phone.

.o.)O(.o.

The man who'd phoned him hadn't been kidding about the size of the blaze. The roar of the flames was ear splitting as the red and yellow heat leapt towards the sky. Water hissed and turned to steam as it tried to douse the fire. Some fire fighters had turned to dousing the neighbouring buildings in an attempt to stop the fire from spreading.

He slipped past the barrier set up for the protection of the civilians easily, quickly moving towards his boss to ask for orders and get information. He looked up at Alfred's approach and nodded. "Glad you could make it Jones."

"What happened?"

"Not sure, frayed wires by the look of it but we won't know for sure until we put this damn fire out."

"Is everyone out?" Alfred barked, flinching as he heard wood cracking under the stress of the heat.

The older man sighed. "No, we got everyone we could but-" he frowned, Alfred already sprinting foolishly towards the building. "Jones! Get back here!" he shouted, the blonde showing no reaction as to whether he heard or not.

.o.)O(.o.

The gathered crowd were preparing to give Alfred up for lost when he finally reappeared. Smoke billowing around his form as he got out just as the building collapsed behind him. He had a soot covered form in his arms as he stumbled into the waiting arms of his fellow fire fighters.

"Help her damn it! Call an ambulance!" Alfred ordered between coughs as he ripped his protective mask off his face. He was quickly obeyed as someone took the unconscious and heavily pregnant woman from his arms. Her blonde hair was heavily singed from the fire and she was breathing raggedly.

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig was preparing to go home for the evening, still smiling because of Feliciano's agreement to marry him when he almost ran into Alfred and a girl on a stretcher. The American breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the confused German.

"Ludwig! Thank god! You have to help her!" he begged, watching as the pregnant girl was wheeled into theatre.

Part of Ludwig wanted to shake his head and insist that he was heading home already but at the sight of Alfred's pleading eyes he sighed and nodded. "I'll do what I can." He murmured, turning on his heels to follow the girl into theatre.

He'd barely stepped two feet inside when the girl's vitals started spiking making him curse. "What have we got?"

"Pregnant Caucasian female, late thirties. What looks like pulmonary damage due to smoke inhalation as well as some severe first degree burns." One of the nurses dutifully barked, trying unsuccessfully to steady her vital signs. "Sir we need to do an emergency caesarean, we'll lose both of them otherwise!"

Ludwig nodded, quickly preparing himself for the surgical procedure. He may not have believed in god but he couldn't help but offer up a prayer to anyone who could hear him to help save his patient. He hated losing people and something told him that Alfred was the same.

_Same old boy_

_Same sweet girl_

_Five years down the road_

_There's going to be a little one_

_And she says it's time to go_

_Doctor says the baby's fine_

_But you'll have to leave_

_Because his mama's fading fast_

_And Johnny fell to his knees_

_And there he prayed_

_Take the very breath you gave me_

_Take the heart from my chest_

_I'll gladly take her place if you let me_

_Make this my last request_

_Take me out of this world_

_But please don't take the girl_

_Don't take the girl- Tim McGraw_

**A/N2: um please don't die of your feels and come back as a zombie to kill me?**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon Revolution: glad you managed to catch up! I find Lovi's bad attitude endearing personally though Antonio really does have to put up with a LOT because of it… sorry about your bunny **** glad the updates helped a bit. Thanks for the reviews!**

**Keiron: at least it wasn't a month in the end :D thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: only one or two more chapters left QQ so enjoy it while it lasts… congrats to everyone doing Nanowrimo regardless of where you finished, keep it up!**

**And just so everyone is clear: Femke=Belgium**

**Hetalia still isn't mine…**

"_Now ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'_

_Is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep_

_Cause ev'ry hand's a winner and ev'ry hand's a loser_

_And the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep"_

_So when he finished speakin', he turned back towards the window_

_Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep_

_And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even_

_But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep_

_The Gambler- Kenny Rogers_

Breathe in. Breathe out. Wait for the anaesthetic to kick in. keep an eye on the vitals. Keep your hands steady. Make an incision.

Ludwig was quickly reverting to a dreamlike state as he focussed on everything he learnt. If he was surprised by how fast he could go from seeing the woman in front of him as a person to just another patient he didn't show it, merely going through the procedures with steady hands.

He didn't react to the sudden squalling of the premature baby as he cut the boy free and handed him to a nearby nurse, the infant exiting his thoughts as he turned back to sew his mother back up so they could focus on her burns.

He was almost done with the sutures when the machines that were monitoring the woman's heart-rate suddenly flat-lined, smoke-filled and seared lungs ceasing to draw breath. He cursed, not even having to call for support as the nurses moved in to try and resuscitate her.

He counted as they went through the motions, counting each time the charged panels hit her chest, each time they tried to force oxygen into unmoving lungs with no result. He sighed when they eventually gave up, the fact that they'd tried their best not doing anything for the guilt he always felt when he couldn't save a patient.

"Time of death, six fourteen pm." He said softly, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. He hesitated for a moment before continuing, he knew he had to get all her details for his report but it was bad enough without knowing her name. "What was her name and next of kin?"

One of the nurses paused, grabbing some documentation that had been brought in by the fire department before reading it. "Femke van Dyk, her next of kin is listed as her brother Lars but he's been missing for close to a decade and is wanted for the sexual abuse of a minor."

Ludwig froze at the name, wishing he could write it off as a coincidence but he knew fate wasn't going to let him off that easily. He nodded, swallowing thickly. "Danke, can I have that?" he asked, holding his hands out for the paper.

He turned to leave for his office before a thought occurred to him. "And her son? Is there any word of a father?"

The nurse shook her head. "No, we'll keep an eye out and put the word out there but he'll probably go into foster care once he's a bit stronger."

Ludwig frowned but nodded, sighing as he went to his office. He didn't see Alfred at all on the way so he supposed he'd been forced into getting checked over which he was glad for. He didn't want to have to admit to failing Femke.

Once seated he couldn't tear his eyes away from the slip that gave all of the woman's details. He couldn't believe that she had been Lars' sister and that the child was therefore his nephew.

He tried to come up with any of the hatred that came up whenever he thought about the Dutchman but it wasn't there. How could he blame an innocent baby for the deeds his uncle did?

Instead all he came up with was pity and guilt. That baby had been doomed to a life in foster care because of his failure to save his mother.

He sighed again, starting to fill in all the information needed to gain a death certificate. He wasn't sure what to do anymore.

The German jumped as the door burst open, grateful that his pen hadn't been touching the paper when he did so. He hated having to redo paper work because of small things like tears or messes. The fact that no harm had been done didn't stop him from glaring at the American who now stood in his doorway.

"Is she-" Alfred paused as he saw the paperwork, eyes immediately going to the title as he visibly slumped.

"I'm sorry; I did all I could…" Ludwig murmured guiltily. He frowned when he saw the bandaging on the other blonde's bicep. "Are you okay?"

Alfred frowned before following the other's gaze and shrugging. "Just a small burn, I'll be alright. What about her kid?"

"He's alright. They'll keep him in an incubator until he's a bit older and then he'll be sent on to a foster family. There's no father listed."

"No next of kin? No family that could take him?"

"…you have no idea who that girl was, do you?" Ludwig asked softly.

"Why does it matter?"

"That was van Dyk's sister and his only surviving relative. The baby's next of kin is currently rotting in a shallow grave that only we know of."

Alfred froze as he took in the information. "…no… she can't be…"

Ludwig sighed. "She is."

"Damn it Ludwig, that kid is going to grow up with that bastard's surname! He'll never hear the end of it! Who would ever want to adopt the nephew of a racist and paedophile? I thought this was over?"

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Then what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know Alfred. I don't know."

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig sighed as he stretched out in the living room. He'd been contemplating what to do for at least an hour now while Feliciano occasionally cast him worried glances from the latest piece he was working on. Despite this he still didn't know what he was meant to do.

His fingers twitched slightly in their anxiety before he stood and headed for the kitchen. "Do you want anything Feli?" he offered from the doorway.

The Italian blinked before shaking his head. "No, it's fine." He murmured, trying to keep the disappointment from his eyes.

Ludwig nodded heading over to the fridge. His hands were already closing on the bottle of beer in there when he paused and pushed it away as if it had bitten him. His words from earlier quickly coming back to remind him of his promise to change as he instead grabbed a can of soda that had obviously been left when they'd last had Alfred over.

He didn't miss Feliciano's smile when he saw the drink in his hand, nor the way he put his paints down to come sit beside him. The Italian didn't speak content to snuggle into the larger man's side.

"Gott, I don't know what to do…" the blonde murmured, wrapping an arm around the brunette.

"What do you mean?"

"…I lost a patient today. I managed to save her son though but he'll have to go through hell now because he doesn't have anyone to take him in and his name's infamous…"

Feliciano frowned. "I don't think I've even you worked up like this over a patient before… why is she different?"

"Because she was van Dyk's sister. That poor kid is going to have to bear the bastard's name till he dies." He heard the Italian's small intake of breath and instinctively held him closer.

"Ve… that's not fair to him…" the brunette mumbled.

"I know, but what can I do about it?"

"Didn't you say to me earlier that you wouldn't mind having a child?"

"Ja, but he's Lars' nephew. And I meant get married first… that's the typical order isn't it?"

"The typical order also implies getting a ring before proposing~" Feliciano teased, kissing Ludwig's jaw. "Besides, who his uncle is doesn't matter. He's just a bambino after all, it's not his fault."

Ludwig sighed softly. "I guess… but what about you? Could you handle raising a relative of the man who hurt you?"

"He won't be his uncle; he won't even have to know who he is. To me he'd just be our son. He'll be ours, not his. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest."

_You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em_

_Know when to walk away and know when to run_

_You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table_

_There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done_

_The gambler- Kenny Rogers_

**A/N2: and me=evil… damn that was tough to write. Oh well! I'm finally wrapping up most loose ends!**

**Review replies:**

**Ribbon Revolution: yep, the wedding bells are ringing! And Alfred's kinda in that not quite dating but more than friends' stage.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: only one more chapter I'm afraid which will be an epilogue, I would have put it in here but it would have made the chapter ridiculously long since I had to catch up on what everyone is up to. I chose the name Daan for Femke's baby since it seems to be a popular name in Belgium according to the internet. For the record: Daan is male!Belgium.**

**Warnings for some state bashing courtesy of Lovino because we all know that he's rather opinionated (and not in a good way…) otherwise enjoy the fluffy chapter!**

**Hetalia isn't mine.**

_I feel drunk but I'm sober_

_I'm young and I'm underpaid_

_I'm tired but I'm working, yeah_

_I care but I'm restless_

_I'm here but I'm really gone_

_I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby_

_What it all comes down to_

_Is that everything's gonna be quite alright_

'_Cause I've got one hand in my pocket_

_And the other one's flicking a cigarette_

_Hand in my pocket- Alanis Morissette_

It went much smoother than Ludwig expected. He'd been expecting no end to paperwork, hundreds of meetings and months of waiting for said paperwork to be processed. Other than the paperwork however the entire process had been surprisingly painless.

A little too painless in fact.

"Verdamt!" the German cursed as the hammer slipped and slammed into his thumb. He pulled his hand back to examine the damage and swore again when he saw how red the digit was. He was going to have a bruise…

He was trying to put the crib together as quickly as possible seeing as they only had a small amount of time left until Daan could come home.

Feliciano looked up at Ludwig's series of curses, his face and clothes splattered with paint courtesy of his job of painting the room a soft shade of baby blue. "Are you okay?" he asked, clambering down from the step ladder to examine his fiancé's thumb.

"Ja, I'm alright Feli, don't worry about it." Ludwig reassured. The Italian smiled, pressing a kiss to the bruised digit.

"That's good. How about we take a break hmmm?"

"You're hungry aren't you?" Ludwig asked accusingly, chuckling when the brunette's stomach growled in answer.

Feliciano smiled sheepishly. "Ve~ but it's been ages since we last ate!"

"It's been an hour and a half." The blonde smiled.

"Exactly! And I'm eating for two here!"

"Feli, I think that argument is only for pregnant women…"

.o.)O(.o.

"Nevada?"

"Too close to Vegas! You're such an idiot you'd probable gamble everything away thinking you could win."

"Alaska?"

"Do I look like an eskimo to you?"

"I think they prefer the term Inuit Lovi…"

"Don't care, where else?"

Antonio sighed but continued shuffling through the travel guides for each of the states regardless. "What about Alabama then?"

"Too many rednecks and I don't think they'd take kindly to a pair of gay guys idiot."

"Massachusetts?"

"I refuse to live somewhere I can't pronounce or spell! And it's too far away from Feli…"

"Aww! Lovi! That's so cute!" Antonio smiled, hugging the Italian before he could squirm away.

"Get off me idiot! It's only because I don't want the potato bastard to destroy his innocence further!" Lovino blushed, head butting the Spaniard to make him let go.

"You do realise that he's not only getting married but adopting a kid right?" Antonio asked as he let his boyfriend go in order to rub his jaw with a wince. Lovino deigned to comment, gesturing for him to continue with reading out potential states to relocate to.

"What about Wyoming then?"

"What's the weather like?"

The taller brunette smiled, eagerly flipping through to the temperature extremes. This was the first time that the Italian had asked for more information. "Well, it can get to roughly a hundred in the basin during the summer and snows in winter."

"…doesn't sound too bad… toss me that brochure would you?"

"Does this mean we're moving to Wyoming?" Antonio asked as he did as he was told.

Lovino shrugged, wincing as the movement pulled at his stitches. "Maybe. What do you think of Pinedale?"

"You wouldn't want to live in Cheyenne? I thought you liked living in the big cities?"

"I think something quieter would be nice… and I know you enjoy working outdoors…" Lovino blushed, giving a surprised yelp when he was enveloped in yet another back breaking hug.

"Aww! Te amo Lovi~"

"I'm an invalid damn it! Stop with the hugs before I wind up back in the hospital with doctor potato!"

Antonio smiled sheepishly as he pulled away. "I thought your shoulder no longer bothered you?"

"It does when it suits me."

.o.)O(.o.

"I still think you should wear a dress…" Gilbert pouted as he lounged outside the changing room at the suit shop. He already had a suit draped over his arm, ash grey since both black and white made him appear more ghostly than even he had any right to look.

"And for the last time, in case you haven't noticed, I'm male and have absolutely no interest in cross-dressing for your sadistic pleasure. The next time you say that, so help me, I'll force you into a dress on the day." Matthew growled, glaring at the albino as he exited the room. "Now what do you think? This or the white one?"

The Canadian was currently garbed in a charcoal grey suit since he had the same problem with black as the albino did, albeit not quite as severe. He raised an eyebrow when the German didn't speak, merely running his eyes along the blonde's body.

"This one it is then…"

"Wow birdie… just… wow…" Gilbert eventually managed to say.

"I take it you like it eh?"

The albino nodded. "Like it doesn't even cover it… I still can't believe I get to marry you…"

Matthew smiled, giving his fiancé a quick peck. "Love you too, just let me get changed back and we can go pay okay?"

.o.)O(.o.

Arthur may have been feeling exceptionally guilty and desperate to apologise over what he'd put Alfred through but he was hardly prepared for this. He was glaring fiercely at Francis when he saw the American and a vaguely familiar Asian man walk into the café. He quickly remembered him as Kiku, a friend of his from high school who he'd failed to keep in touch with.

"You did this didn't you?" he hissed. "What in blazes were you thinking?"

The Frenchman just shrugged. "I'm just giving you a slight push mon cher. You wouldn't have had the guts otherwise." He kissed his lover's cheek tenderly as the other pair approached them. "Now play nice."

If Alfred was still angry he didn't show it as he sat down. He had a wide grin on his face as he sat closer to Kiku than was necessary for friends. "Hey Artie, Francis, you remember Kiku right? He was at school with us."

Francis nodded, greeting the Japanese man politely and giving Arthur a nudge in the side when the Brit's awkwardness prevented him from doing the same.

"So how's everything going?" Arthur asked, refusing to meet the American's sky blue gaze.

"Awesomely! Been staying with Kiku for a while now, putting out fires, you know the usual." Alfred grinned.

Arthur grimaced slightly before biting the bullet. "Look… I'm sorry… about everything…" he mumbled.

The American's face grew slightly saddened at the reminder but there was none of the hurt that the brit remembered from the last time they parted. "I know, but maybe we were never meant to be… and you and Francis look happy together."

Francis smiled, taking Arthur's hand happily. "Oui, and you and Kiku as well."

The pair looked at each other before chuckling. "Dude, you do realise that we're not together right?"

"Hai, Alfred and I are just friends." Kiku insisted.

Francis raised an eyebrow, looking at the way they sat so that their shoulders touched and Alfred's arm draped casually over Kiku's shoulder.

Their feelings for each other were so obvious that he wondered how they could be so oblivious. Even Arthur had picked up on them.

"So I hear that you'll be Matthew's best man at the wedding next month. Do you have a date for it?" Arthur asked to try and break the awkward silence.

"Hell yeah, Kiku's coming with me as a friend to that one and also to Ludwig's three months from now! Did you hear that Ludwig and Feli are also going to tie the knot? And adopt a kid!"

Francis had to bite back a groan at just how oblivious the pair was… it was ridiculous.

_I'm free but I'm focussed_

_I'm green but I'm wise_

_I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby_

_I'm sad but I'm laughing_

_I'm brave but I'm chicken shit_

_I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby_

_Hand in my pocket- Alanis Morissette_

**A/N2: one more to go QQ**

**Then I might work on something outside my comfort zone, I'm thinking a supernatural/fantasy sufin :)**

**And as for why I chose Wyoming, well, I'm a country girl at heart (like I visualise Antonio to be) so it was either going to be Wyoming or Montana which both have vast open spaces from what I know. I contemplated Massachusetts before realising that without spell check I'd never be able to spell it and the distance that would result between Lovi and Feli. No offense meant to anyone living in the states that Lovi bashed…**

**Review replies:**

**Guest: yay! Glad you like it! Ja, Ludwig has changed a lot since that fateful day in Tainted :) thanks for the review!**

**Ribbon Revolution: yep, I did say that Femke would come back :D and that was my plan from the beginning :) hope you enjoyed hearing from Francis and Arthur! Thanks for the review!**

**Keiron: yep, that they are :) hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for the review!**

**I'll see you for the finale!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: and here it is. The finale. Die laste een. The epilogue. Take your pick.**

**I'll just post this and get started on my new fic "hair of the dog" since I want to try out writing sufin and the supernatural genre. **

**And in other news, I burnt myself yesterday. With milk that was around 80-100 degrees centigrade. It hurt like a bitch and also means that in the past six months I've burnt FIVE different fingers, effectively scarring three. Ironic considering the title to this fic…**

**And before I go on, Chiara is fem!Romano (name from woodbyne's fic Sonata since I find naming kids after your own name weird), Julchen is fem!Prussia and Daan of course is male!Belgium.**

**Now without further ado, here is the last chapter of Scarred.**

**Hetalia isn't mine.**

_I've paid my dues_

_Time after time_

_I've done my sentence_

_But committed no crime_

_And bad mistakes_

_I've made a few_

_I've had my share of sand kicked in my face_

_But I've come through_

_We are the champions- Queen_

The month leading up to Gilbert's wedding passed quickly, especially once Daan was added to Ludwig's and Feliciano's household. He'd sprouted wavy blonde locks whilst at the hospital and his green eyes were always looking for mischief.

Everyone fell in love with the boy to the extent that babysitting duties became a common argument between Lovino and Gilbert, both unwilling to give up time spent with the baby when his new parents seemed rather unwilling to let him out of their sight as it was.

The only problem was that Daan, no matter how cute and innocent he looked, seemed rather averse to sleep and was insistent that Ludwig and Feliciano share in this aversion. The sleepless nights grew to such an extent that when Ludwig visited his brother to help prepare him for the wedding he fell asleep at the table the minute Gilbert left the room.

The pair grew slightly more fond of allowing Gilbert and Lovino a chance to babysit when they realised that this was one of the few ways to ensure at least a few hours of sleep. It soon became common place for one of the pair to take the baby off their hands at least once a day. Thankfully they were never short of babysitters seeing as Antonio, Matthew and Alfred had also grown fond of the infant which made the task of organising two weddings while juggling sleep deprivation much easier.

One of the biggest things to organise though was the road trip into Nevada seeing as getting married in their present state was an impossibility. Thus they were looking at shifting several people and one infant which wasn't fun by any stretch of the imagination.

But time passed and the first wedding went off without a hitch unless you count Alfred being glared into submission when he tried to protest the union. Ludwig was especially glad that Daan had refrained from crying throughout the ceremony and thus sparing him the embarrassment of having to rush from his place as best man at Gilbert's side and help Feliciano soothe him.

In no time at all Gilbert and Matthew, now married, were traveling off to explore Canada on their honeymoon. This left Ludwig and Feliciano time to plan their own wedding as they juggled sleepless nights and the task of raising Daan.

.o.)O(.o.

It took Ludwig a while to find the overgrown path that had been etched into his memory all those years ago. He'd left Feliciano to watch Daan in order to come here and fulfil the urge that had been driving him insane ever since they'd brought the boy home.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he came across a much changed but otherwise familiar tree. The ground around it had also changed over the years. No longer was the soil churned up by the vengeful act of kids but was now smooth and coated in grass, moss and wild flowers.

His blue eyes were serious though as he fixed his gaze on a piece of unremarkable soil. "Daan's doing well, I thought you'd like to know that." He murmured before smiling at the memory of the boy he already thought of as his son. "He had his first haircut a week ago and he looks just like his mother. Green eyes, blonde hair… we'll tell him about her when he's older but he'll never know about you. He has uncles who love him already and I won't let him have to deal with the knowledge of being related to you. It's over Lars, for good this time."

His expression didn't change as he turned away from the grave, only softening when he returned to his car to drive back towards his waiting family. They were both dozing when he finally got home, an abandoned storybook lying open on the ground near the couch they slept on. Ludwig smiled but didn't wake them, choosing instead to work on getting the final wedding plans sorted.

For the first time in years he could honestly say that he was content.

.o.)O(.o.

Five years later

"Vati… are we there yet?" Daan whined from the backseat as he pushed his blonde hair from his face to keep it out of his eyes.

"Not yet." Ludwig stated, keeping his eyes on the speedometer to ensure he didn't go over the speed limit. He'd allowed Feliciano to drive for a little while and quickly decided that there was no way in hell the Italian was going to drive any further when they'd broken more traffic laws than the German could believe.

Daan hadn't cared though and had practically screamed in delight as they sped and came within inches of several collisions. Feliciano was currently dozing in the front seat which only left the blonde man to entertain the boy now that that source of amusement was gone.

"How far is it to uncle Lovino and Uncle Antonio's then?"

"Another hour or so."

"That sucks balls!" the boy giggled, making Ludwig almost swerve into a small sedan in shock.

"Where did you learn that?" he barked. He was going to severely scold Lovino when he saw him…

"Uncle Gilbert. Uncle Mattie told him to stop being an idiot and hit him."

Scratch that, apparently he was going to have to kill his brother. "Well, don't say that okay? It's rude."

"Okay Vati, what about schieBe then? Uncle Gilbert taught me that one too."

Gilbert was dead.

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig, Feliciano and Daan were the last to arrive at Lovino's house, the small country style cottage already bustling with activity. Daan barely waited long enough to greet his uncles before running off with Chiara, Lovino's and Antonio's three year old daughter as Feliciano practically bowled his twin over.

From the scowl that Chiara gave the blonde boy it was obvious that Lovino was her father. She even looked like him down to the errant hair curl.

Matthew was in the corner and talking quietly to his brother and Kiku. It had taken a few years but they'd finally gotten together. Gilbert on the other hand was somehow managing to feed Julchen and drink a beer at the same time as he rushed forward to greet his brother and brother in law.

"Hey bruder! Where's Daan? I want to say hi to the little monster!"

"He ran off with Chiara and I need to speak to you about what you've been teaching- Gil, are you supposed to be feeding your daughter beer?" Ludwig asked as he noticed that somewhere between greeting him and resuming his duty of feeding the year old baby he'd managed to switch the baby formula with a bottle of beer. The young girl didn't seem to mind the switch.

"Hmmm? SchieBe!" he cursed, quickly switching the bottles back. "Don't tell Mattie I did that…" he asked sheepishly.

"Stop teaching my son to swear and we'll have a deal."

.o.)O(.o.

"Hey, fratello? Have you seen Chiara?" Lovino asked when he realised his daughter and nephew were no longer in sight.

Feliciano frowned, glancing around frantically. "Ve~ where are they?" he asked in a slight panic.

"Damn it why do you think I'm asking you?! Fuck… I'm such a crap dad!" the elder Italian cursed. It took only a moment for them both to race of in an attempt to locate the two missing children.

Thankfully they caught sight of them sitting together on the porch swing out front. They were whispering to each other with smiles on their faces and made the two Italians pause.

"They look like us, when we were kids I mean."

"You always swore though, I think Chiara has slightly better manners." Feliciano teased softly which made his brother roll his eyes.

"I didn't always swear… besides, I think Daan has to be way smarter then you. And at least he looks like a boy."

Feliciano ignored the fond insult, still smiling at the pair on the swing. "I hope they remain this close, like we did."

Lovino shook his head. "If we'd remained that close I would have realised what van Dyk was doing…"

"It wasn't your fault Lovi, besides, that's over now."

"Si, for good."

_I've taken my bows_

_And my curtain calls_

_You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it_

_I thank you all_

_But it's been no bed of roses_

_No pleasure cruise_

_I consider it a challenge before the whole human race_

_And I ain't gonna lose_

_We are the champions, my friends_

_And we'll keep on fighting, till the end_

_We are the champions_

_We are the champions_

_No time for losers_

_Cause we are the champions_

_Of the world_

_We are the champions- Queen_

**A/N2: can't believe it's over… this fic and Tainted have seen my final year of school, my matric dance, a boyfriend and my wonderful girlfriend. They've seen me immigrate and cross half the world, get jobs, almost kill myself with work, change my mind over what to go into after school three times, finish a 50000 word novel and all sorts of other things! Thanks to all the people who reviewed, followed, favourite or even just popped in to read it! You are all awesome and deserving of pancakes and all sorts of wonderful treats none of which are as wonderful as you!**

**If you're into werewolves, hellhounds, angst, romance, potential violence, fluff, Sufin and Dennor as well as most of the pairings within this fic I hope to see you when I start writing "hair of the dog"!**

**(Final) review replies:**

**Ribbon revolution: I know, I'm sad as well… QQ… hehe that sounds like a plan! Just don't get too distracted by the joys of tumblr and fanfiction! Sadly no, but usuk will be in "hair of the dog" with past fruk instead of the opposite that happened in this fic. Thanks for all the reviews and love!**

**Keiron: I know… but all good things must come to an end I'm afraid… thanks for all the reviews and such! And the compliments for my writing! Sorry that it had to end!**


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